Authors — Quotes

Bill Watterson Quotes: 57

Reality continues to ruin my life.
The Complete Calvin and Hobbes
It's not denial. I'm just selective about the reality I accept.
Sometimes when I'm talking, my words can't keep up with my thoughts. I wonder why we think faster than we speak. Probably so we can think twice.
You know, Hobbes, some days even my lucky rocket ship underpants don't help.
I'm killing time while I wait for life to shower me with meaning and happiness.
People think it must be fun to be a super genius, but they don't realize how hard it is to put up with all the idiots in the world.
The Calvin And Hobbes: Tenth Anniversary Book
As far as I'm concerned, if something is so complicated that you can't explain it in 10 seconds, then it's probably not worth knowing anyway.
The Indispensable Calvin and Hobbes
In my opinion, we don't devote nearly enough scientific research to finding a cure for jerks.
You know, sometimes kids get bad grades in school because the class moves too slow for them. Einstein got D's in school. Well guess what, I get F's!!!
We're so busy watching out for what's just ahead of us that we don't take time to enjoy where we are.
Who was the guy who first looked at a cow and said 'I think I’ll drink whatever comes out of these when I squeeze ’em?
That's the difference between me and the rest of the world! Happiness isn't good enough for me! I demand euphoria!
Weirdos From Another Planet: Calvin & Hobbes Series: Book Six: A Calvin and Hobbes Collection
Weekends don't count unless you spend them doing something completely pointless.
When life gives you lemons, chunk it right back.
I go to school, but I never learn what I want to know.
The Authoritative Calvin And Hobbes
CALVIN:This whole Santa Claus thing just doesn't make sense. Why all the secrecy? Why all the mystery?If the guy exists why doesn't he ever show himself and prove it?And if he doesn't exist what's the meaning of all this?HOBBES:I dunno. Isn't this a religious holiday? CALVIN:Yeah, but actually, I've got the same questions about God.
I think hiccup cures were really invented for the amusement of the patient's friends.
The Complete Calvin and Hobbes
I find my life is a lot easier the lower I keep my expectations.
Ms. Wormwood: Calvin, can you tell us what Lewis and Clark did? Calvin: No, but I can recite the secret superhero origin of each member of Captain Napalm's Thermonuclear League of Liberty. Ms. Wormwood: See me after class, Calvin. Calvin: [retrospectively] I'm not dumb. I just have a command of thoroughly useless information.
That's one of the remarkable things about life. It's never so bad that it can't get worse.
You can drag my body to school but my spirit refuses to go.
The Essential Calvin and Hobbes
Hobbes: Do you think there's a God?Calvin: Well, somebody's out to get me!
I'm not dumb. I just have a command of thoroughly useless information.
I hate to think that all my current experiences will someday become stories with no point.
It's a Magical World
Did you ever wonder if the person in the puddle is real, and you're just a reflection of him?
Hello Dad! It is now three in the morning. Do you know where I am?
The Essential Calvin And Hobbes
From now on, I'm not doing anything I don't want to do! The world owes me happiness, fulfillment and success.... I'm just here to cash in.
Homicidal Psycho Jungle Cat
The world isn't fair, Calvin." "I know Dad, but why isn't it ever unfair in my favor?
The Essential Calvin and Hobbes: A Calvin and Hobbes Treasury
Now what state do you live in?''Denial.
The Essential Calvin and Hobbes: A Calvin and Hobbes Treasury
If you can't control your peanut butter, you can't expect to control your life.
The Authoritative Calvin And Hobbes
Calvin: Why are you crying mom?Mom: I'm cutting up an onion.Calvin: It must be hard to cook if you anthrpomorphisize your vegetables.
The Complete Calvin and Hobbes
To invent your own life's meaning is not easy, but it's still allowed, and I think you'll be happier for the trouble.
I wonder if you can refuse to inherit the world.
The Essential Calvin and Hobbes: A Calvin and Hobbes Treasury
If you can't win by reason, go for volume.
Rainy days should be spent at home with a cup of tea and a good book.
The Calvin and Hobbes Tenth Anniversary Book
CALVIN:When I grow up I want to be an inventor. First I will invent a time machine. Then I'll come back to yesterday and take myself to tomorrow and skip this dumb assignment.
Years from now, when I'm successful and happy, ...and he's in prison... I hope I'm not too mature to gloat.
CALVIN:As usual goodness hardly puts up a fight.
Things are never quite as scary when you've got a best friend.
I'm not a vegetarian! I'm a dessertarian!
Something Under the Bed is Drooling
Look! A trickle of water running through some dirt! I'd say our afternoon just got booked solid!
In the short term, it would make me happy to go play outside. In the long term, it would make me happier to do well at school and become successful. But in the VERY long term, I know which will make better memories.
It's a Magical World
The purpose of writing is to inflate weak ideas, obscure poor reasoning and inhibit clarity.
The secret to enjoying your job is to have a hobby that's even worse
It's a Magical World
I've got to start listening to those quiet, nagging doubts.
That's the whole problem with science. You've got a bunch of empiricists trying to describe things of unimaginable wonder.
HOBBES:If you don't get a goodnight kiss you get Kafka dreams.
Isn't it sad how some people's grip on their lives is so precarious that they'll embrace any preposterous delusion rather than face an occasional bleak truth?
The Complete Calvin and Hobbes
I'm a 21st-century kid trapped in a 19th-century family.
There's Treasure Everywhere
HOBBES:Virtue needs some cheaper thrills.