- Jarod Kintz1537
- Beryl Dov878
- Debasish Mridha771
- Steve Maraboli285
- Cassandra Clare242
- Stephen Richards242
- J.K. Rowling215
- Oscar Wilde180
- John Green177
- Paulo Coelho176
- Rick Riordan153
- Criss Jami151
- C.S. Lewis142
- Nicholas Sparks142
- Albert Einstein141
- William Shakespeare135
- Friedrich Nietzsche129
- C. JoyBell C.128
- Stephen King127
- Mark Twain125
- Terry Pratchett117
- Ralph Waldo Emerson116
- Neil Gaiman114
- Richelle Mead109
- Haruki Murakami98
- Toba Beta95
- Rumi94
- Suzanne Collins94
- Amy Leigh Mercree91
- Lailah Gifty Akita91
- Shannon L. Alder88
- Santosh Kalwar87
- Jodi Picoult86
- Jane Austen84
- Kurt Vonnegut81
- Sarah Dessen81
- Carl Sagan80
- Jaachynma N.E. Agu79
- Chuck Palahniuk78
- Anonymous77
- T.F. Hodge77
- Maya Angelou76
- Virginia Woolf75
- Douglas Adams74
- Mahatma Gandhi74
- Albert Camus72
- Charles Bukowski72
- Leo Tolstoy72
- Mitch Albom71
- Amit Ray70
- Henry David Thoreau70
- Ray Bradbury66
- Sylvia Plath66
- Kahlil Gibran65
- Elizabeth Gilbert63
- Ernest Hemingway62
- Veronica Roth62
- Victor Hugo62
- Emily Dickinson61
- J.R.R. Tolkien61
- Suzy Kassem59
- Bill Watterson57
- George Carlin57
- Plato57
- Abraham Lincoln56
- Jim Butcher56
- Ayn Rand54
- Lemony Snicket54
- Steve Backley54
- Anaïs Nin53
- G.K. Chesterton53
- Dr. Seuss52
- Edgar Allan Poe51
- Colleen Houck50
- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe49
- Jonathan Safran Foer49
- Lisa Kleypas49
- Marilyn Monroe49
- George Bernard Shaw48
- F. Scott Fitzgerald47
- Martin Luther King Jr.47
- Markus Zusak46
- Bertrand Russell45
- Charlotte Brontë44
- Confucius44
- Lao Tzu44
- Lauren Oliver44
- Voltaire44
- Aristotle43
- Brian Tracy43
- David Levithan43
- Helen Keller43
- Jeaniene Frost43
- Marcus Aurelius43
- Margaret Atwood43
- Robert Frost43
- Stephen Chbosky43
- Winston S. Churchill43
- Charles Dickens42
- Rachel Caine42
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Jarod Kintz Quotes: 1537
It Occurred to MeIf loving someone is putting them in a straitjacket and kicking them down a flight of stairs, then yes, I have loved a few people.
It Occurred to MeI consider conversations with people to be mind exercises, but I don't want to pull a muscle, so I stretch a lot. That's why I'm constantly either rolling my eyes or yawning.
This Book is Not FOR SALEI find out a lot about myself by sleeping. Dreams, they are who I am when I’m too tired to be me.
It Occurred to MeThe mouth is made for communication, and nothing is more articulate than a kiss.
This is the story my great-grandfather told my father, who then told my grandfather, who then told me about how The Mythical Mr. Boo, Charles Manseur Fizzlebush Grissham III, better known as Mr. Fizzlebush, and Orafoura are all in fact me...Nothing, Everything, Anything, Something: If you have nothing, then you have everything, because you have the freedom to do anything, without the fear of losing something.
I Want Two apply for a job at our country's largest funeral home, and then wear a suit and noose to the job interview.I want to grow a flower for every time someone tells me “F*** you.” Then I’ll go back to that person and pin the flower on their lapel in a gesture of friendship. And while they are looking down on it in astonishment, I’ll bunch up my knuckles and punch them in the face.
This Book is Not FOR SALEOne of my main regrets in life is giving considerable thought to inconsiderate people.
I think the key indicator for wealth is not good grades, work ethic, or IQ. I believe it's relationships. Ask yourself two questions: How many people do I know, and how much ransom money could I get for each one?
This Book is Not FOR SALEI’m not waiting until my hair turns white to become patient and wise. Nope, I’m dyeing my hair tonight.
I WantI want to write my own eulogy, and I want to write it in Latin. It seems only fitting to read a dead language at my funeral.
This Book is Not FOR SALEIf I told you I’ve worked hard to get where I’m at, I’d be lying, because I have no idea where I am right now.
This is the best book I've ever written, and it still sucksWith my last breath, I’ll exhale my love for you. I hope it’s a cold day, so you can see what you meant to me.
I WantI want to meet a guy named Art. I'd take him to a museum, hang him on the wall, criticize him, and leave.
This Book is Not FOR SALEI can tell if two people are in love by how they hold each other’s hands, and how thick their sanitation gloves are.
This Book Has No TitleShe looked like the kind of woman I could fall in love with. Trouble is, she was standing next to the kind of woman I’d like to make love to.
Who Moved My Choose?: An Amazing Way to Deal With Change by Deciding to Let Indecision Into Your LifeYou know what I like most about people? Pets.
This Book is Not FOR SALEYou can’t put a price tag on love. But if you could, I’d wait for it to go on sale.
$3.33It’s absolutely unfair for women to say that guys only want one thing: sex. We also want food.
This is the best book I've ever written, and it still sucksWriters fish for the right words like fishermen fish for, um, whatever those aquatic creatures with fins and gills are called.
Love quotes for the ages. Specifically ages 18-81.She didn't say it, I only thought she said it. So really it was my thought, my words, and not hers. How could I confuse "I love you"with "May I take your order?
It Occurred to MeWhen a girl says she wants to be friends with benefits, I always ask if that includes dental insurance.
Great Listener Seeks Mute WomenWhether you live to be 50 or 100 makes no difference, if you made no difference in the world.
This Book is Not FOR SALEI told her I'd wait forever for her, but that was before I found somebody else who'd give me a ride home.
If I saw you hitchhiking, I’d smile and return your thumb’s up, just for you doing such a great job of being a positive roadside influence.
This Book is Not FOR SALEI like to call in sick to work at places where I’ve never held a job. Then when the manager tells me I don’t work there, I tell them I’d like to. But not today, as I’m sick.
If sex were shoes, I'd wear you out. But I wouldn't wear you out in public.
This Book Has No TitleI cut an inch off of every straw I see, just to make the world suck a little less.
This Book is Not FOR SALELove is what you make it. Unfortunately, I can’t make it today, as I have a doctor’s appointment.
This Book is Not FOR SALELaughter is the sound of the soul dancing. My soul probably looks like Fred Astaire.
This Book is Not FOR SALEI don't understand people who say they need more "Me Time."What other time is there? Do these people spend part of their day in someone else's body?
I Should Have Renamed ThisIf you only had 48 hours left to live, would you spend it like you normally spend your weekends? If not, why spend 2/7th of your life wasting your free time? After all, free time isn’t free. Free time is the most expensive time you have, because nobody pays for it but you. But that also makes it the most valuable time you have, as you alone stand to reap the profits from spending it wisely.
I WantI want my kids to have the things in life that I never had when I was growing up. Things like beards and chest hair.
It Occurred to MeI like my relationships like I like my eggs. Over easy.
It Occurred to MeI used to date the lead singer of The Cranberries, but she cheated on me. Turns out she had some turkey on the side.
$3.33I am a master of logic and a powerfully convincing debater. In fact, against my better judgment, I can talk myself out of doing anything.
Love quotes for the ages. Specifically ages 18-81.The only drink I like ice in is water, because you can’t water down water. I’m like that with love, too. Don’t you dare add any ice to the hot liquid loving I’m trying to pour all over you.
$3.33Patience and wisdom walk hand in hand, like two one-armed lovers.
This Book is Not FOR SALEWhat does it mean to be the best? It means you have to be better than the number two guy. But what gratification is there in that? He's a loser—that’s why he's number two.
It Occurred to MeMy two favorite colors of the rainbow are gold and leprechaun.
Love quotes for the ages. Specifically ages 18-81.I wanted to tell her “I love you” back, but I guess in waiting for the perfect moment (the next commercial break), I ended up completely forgetting.
This Book is Not FOR SALEI've often wondered what makes a relationship last. I guess the best answer is it's the one right after the next to the last one.
Love quotes for the ages. Specifically ages 18-81.You tell me you love me, but I’m not sure you know what love is, or how fast it flies, or how much it resembles a UFO, or what kind of weapon you’d use to shoot it down.
$3.33The way I wrestle five-year-olds makes me think if I were ever attacked by a pack of midgets, I’d be OK.
I Want Two apply for a job at our country's largest funeral home, and then wear a suit and noose to the job interview.I want to gather up all the ink cartridges in the universe, because somewhere, mixed in with all that ink, is the next great American novel. And I’d love nothing more than to drink it.
Love quotes for the ages. Specifically ages 18-81.We can’t be lovers because we both have mustaches. But since you’re a lady, and I’m a gentleman, I’ll shave mine off.
This Book is Not FOR SALEIt’s true, I can’t make you love me. But I can refuse to let you out of your cage.
This is the best book I've ever written, and it still sucksShe says he says, but she could be lying to me, and he could be lying to her, so I can’t believe her, even if I could believe her.
I WantI want to lose weight by eating nothing but moon pies, which have significantly less gravity than earthier foods such as fruits and vegetables.
Whenever You're Gone, I'm Here For YouI’m not a very good sleeper. But you know what? I’m willing to put in a few extra hours every day to get better. That’s just the kind of hard worker I am.
$3.33When anybody honks at me in traffic, I blush, wave, and shout, “Thanks for being a fan.” Being a celebrity is a 24/7 thing.
