Jasper Fforde Quotes: 23

• If the real world were a book, it would never find a publisher. Overlong, detailed to the point of distraction-and ultimately, without a major resolution.

  Something Rotten

• Take no heed of her.... She reads a lot of books.

  The Eyre Affair

• Whereas story is processed in the mind in a straightforward manner, poetry bypasses rational thought and goes straight to the limbic system and lights it up like a brushfire. It's the crack cocaine of the literary world.

  First Among Sequels

• Don't ever call me mad, Mycroft. I'm not mad. I'm just ... well, differently moraled, that's all.

  The Eyre Affair

• Governments and fashions come and go but Jane Eyre is for all time.

  The Eyre Affair

• Religion isn't the cause of wars, it's the excuse.

  The Eyre Affair

• Books may look like nothing more than words on a page, but they are actually an infinitely complex imaginotransference technology that translates odd, inky squiggles into pictures inside your head.

  The Well of Lost Plots

• If it weren't for greed, intolerance, hate, passion and murder, you would have no works of art, no great buildings, no medical science, no Mozart, no Van Gough, no Muppets and no Louis Armstrong.

  The Big Over Easy

• Two minds with but a single thought, two hearts that beat as one.

  First Among Sequels

• Okay, this is the wisdom. First, time spent on reconnaissanse is never wasted. Second, almost anything can be improved with the addition of bacon. And finally, there is no problem on Earth that can't be ameliorated by a hot bath and a cup of tea.

  Shades of Grey

• So my humor, I'd say, comes from a mixture of lowbrow comedy shows and highbrow theater. It's an interesting mix.

• Her majesty is one verb short of a sentence.

  Lost in a Good Book

• Dead. Never been that before. Not even once.

  First Among Sequels

• I would so hate to be a first-person character! Always on your guard, always having people read your thoughts!

  Lost in a Good Book

• Death doesn't care about personalities - he's more interested in meeting quotas.

  Something Rotten

• Literary detection and firearms don't really go hand in hand; pen mighter than the sword and so forth.

  The Eyre Affair

• For every expert there is an equal and opposite expert.

  One of Our Thursdays Is Missing

• You see? I know where every single book used to be in the library.' She pointed to the shelf opposite. 'Over there was Catch-22, which was a hugely popular fishing book and one of a series, I believe.

  Shades of Grey

• I shouldn't believe anything I say, if I were you-and that includes what I just told you.

  The Eyre Affair

• Death, I had discovered long ago, was available in varying flavors, and none of them particularly palatable.

  First Among Sequels

• I didn't set out to discover a truth. I was actually sent to the Outer Fringes to conduct a chair census and learn some humility. But the truth inevitably found me, as important truths often do, like a lost thought in need of a mind.

  Shades of Grey

• the Real-World was a sprawling mess of a book in need of a good editor.

  One of Our Thursdays Is Missing

• I've managed to bring the backlog down to a mere sixty-eight years,"she announced with some small sense of achievement. "I hope to be able to start marking the papers of pupils who are still alive by the end of the decade.

  Shades of Grey