Eoin Colfer Quotes: 29

• Confidence is ignorance. If you're feeling cocky, it's because there's something you don't know.

  Artemis Fowl

• It's like learning to ride a unicorn. You never forget.

  Artemis Fowl

• If you were me, then I'd be you, and if I were you, then I'd hide somewhere far away.

  The Eternity Code

• Foaly: Anyone see you come in here? Holly: The FBI, CIA, NSA, DEA, MI6. Oh, and the EIB. Foaly: The EIB? Holly: (smirking) Everyone in the building.

  Artemis Fowl Band 1-3

• No matter what dimension you're in, there's a big-headed male trying to take over the world.

  The Lost Colony

• Hey, look—your girlfriend is saying something."Artemis had a vast mental reserve of scathing comebacks at his disposal, but none of them covered girlfriend insults. He wasn't even sure if it was an insult. And if it was, who was being insulted? Him or the girl?

• Artemis felt like he was six again and caught hacking the school computers trying to make the test questions harder

  The Time Paradox

• Who are you?"he asked.I am the future queen of this world, at the very least. You may refer to me as Mistress Koboi for the next five minutes. After that you may refer to me as Aaaaarrrrgh, hold your throat, die screaming, and so on.

  The Time Paradox

• I don't like lollipops.

  Artemis Fowl

• We're being lead by an idiot with a crayon.

  The Eternity Code

• That was horrible. Horrible. That poor little guy."Pex was unrepentant. "Yeah, well, he asked for it. Calling us ... all those things."But---buried alive! That's like in that horror movie. Y'know -- the one with all the horror."I think I saw that one. With all the words going up on the screen at the end?"Yeah, that was it. Tell you the truth, those words kinda ruined it for me.

  The Eternity Code

• Humm humm haaa. Rahmumm humm haaaa,"intoned Opal, finishing her chant. "Peace be inside me, tolerance all around me, forgiveness in my path. Now, Mervall, show me where the filthy human is so that I may feed him his organs.

  The Time Paradox

• Look!"said Foaly, pointing with some urgency into the vast steel-gray gloom, "Someone who cares!

  The Atlantis Complex

• A genius. A criminal mastermind. A millionaire. And he is only twelve years old.

  Artemis Fowl

• I bet,"said Mulch, "that you would set the world on fire just to watch it burn."Opal tapped the suggestion into a small electronic notepad on her pocket computer.Thanks for that. Now, tell me everything.

  The Time Paradox

• I am charging you with the protection of my mother and friends, not to mention keeping my younger self off the Internet. He is as dangerous as Opal.

  The Time Paradox

• Really, I'm trying to care, Artemis, really. But I thought it was all supposed to be over when the fat lady sings. Well, she's singing, but it doesn't appear to be over

• What's that supposed to mean? A wolf's head on a stick. Big wolf barbecue tonight? Bring your own wolf?

  The Lost Colony

• Knock yourself out... Or rather, don't.

  Artemis Fowl

• I'm the crazy girly captain, Remember?

  The Arctic Incident

• Orion brightened. "I have an idea." "Yes?"said Foaly, daring to hope that a spark of Artemis remained."Why don't we look for some magic stones that can grant wishes? Or, if that doesn't work, you could search my naked body for some mysterious birthmark that means I am actually the prince of somewhere or other.

  The Atlantis Complex

• Artemis: "Right, brothers. Onward. Imagine yourself seated at a cafe in Montmartre."Myles: "In Paris."Artemis: "Yes, Paris. And try as you will, you cannot attract the waiter's attention. What do you do?"Beckett: "Umm...tell Butler to jump-jump-jump on his head?"Myles: "I agree with simple-toon."Artemis: "No! You simply raise one finger and say clearly 'ici, garcon.'"Beckett: "Itchy what?

• I don't suppose you would consider peaceful surrender?

  Artemis Fowl

• Me,"Artemis blurted. "I'm the nut."Artemis could have sworn the squid winked at him before bringing the five-ton chunk of spacecraft swinging down toward the morsel of meat in its blue shell."I'm the nut!"Artemis shouted again, a little hysterically, it must be said.

  The Atlantis Complex

• Excuse me, Captain. Are you two going to weep salty tears of admiration over a helmet all night, or do we have matters to discuss?

  The Lost Colony

• Well, I don't like the first bit and I don't know the last bit. So I'm really hoping the middle bit is exceptional.

• Other men look up and down, left and right; but men like us are different. We are visionaries.

  Airman

• Wait,"said Butler. "Just wait, Holly. Artemis has a plan."He squinted through the green dome. "What is your plan, Artemis?"All Artemis could do was smile and shrug.

  The Last Guardian

• The Theory of Evolution has more holes in it than a dam made out of Swiss cheese.

  The Time Paradox