Beryl Dov Quotes: 878

• Sublime Beauty When I shut my eyes, I can move mountains.When I open them, mountains can move me.

• Comfort Zone Your comfort zone has a clock on it, ticking off until it becomes your death zone.

• Metamorphosis [10w] Change. Become the butterfly.Don't stay a caterpillar with wings.

• Eyes of Heaven To see through the eyes of heavenis to look upon your fellow manand only see the good in him.

• Regret [10w] Regret's more about lost opportunities than about paths we've chosen.

• Sometimes God is Drunk [10w] Satan's sudden appearance means God is on a drinking binge.

• Till Death Do You Part [10w] Marriage will indeed change people ~for better or for worse.

• Credo of a Substitute Teacher I'm a 'sugar free' substitute teacher.I speak frankly and never gave any of my studentsa single word of encouragement.Why should I? Even after 10 years the school hasn't given me a pension, health insurance or paid sick leave.So fuck 'em.Fuck 'em all.

• Garden [10w] A garden is a poem written with flowers on earth.

• The Wonderful Wonder Between the 'Onenesses' [10w] + [10w] + [10w] + [10w] If you can imagine time running backwards, death becomes birth;The moment before conception, becomes our oneness with the universe.Therefore, we shouldn't fear death because oneness returns to oneness;The wonder that happens between these onenesses is God's gift.

• Madness [10w] Madness isn't an objective state,it is a cultural bias.

• Preserving Beauty [10w] + {Couplet} Preserving beauty is futile;even Cleopatra returned to the Nile.

• Love's Kiss of Death [10w] Love's kiss of death is taking each another for granted.

• Love [10w] Love is a time machineset to your perfect present

• FBI vs. CIA When a person works for the FBI for 20 years and retires,he gets a watch.When a person works for the CIA for 20 years and retires,he gets watched.I know this not because I'm in law enforcement or with the NSA ~I know this because I have HBO.

• Rewrite☷Rewrite [10w] Happiness writes new memories;New losses rewrite over old ones.

• Good vs. Great [10w] To be good twice is a true mark of greatness.

• Memories [10w] Spend half your life creating memories,the other half, remembering.

• Men Be Forewarned! [20w] A man caught in the embrace of the wrong womanis like having his penis caught in a bear trap.

• Scientific Discovery [10w] The greatest scientific discoveries were madelooking at the overlooked.

• Soulmate [10w] When you meet your soulmate,God's walked into the room.

• The Poet's Way Are we ever sure what we do,will endure and get its due?No.But we do it anyway.For that is the poet's way.

• Lost vs. Lost We get lost twice in life.The first stems from uncertainty,when we try to find what our dreams truly are.The more profound feeling of being lost is existential, and comes unforeseen, after we finally fulfill our dreams.To survive the latter, we must create an entirely new set of dreams.

• What is the Meaning of Life? [10w] {6} To be transformed into all we are capable of becoming.

• The 3 Most Powerful Words in the English Language for Every College Student [3w] Ilovepizza

• Pulling a Houdini Relationships are magic;we're always getting each other out of handcuffs and strait-jacketswhile locked in a steamer trunk underwater.

• Hidden [10w] A woman is an iceberg;we see less than 10%.

• Knocked-Up Kinda' Loven Marry, me, marry me, marry me,You better say, 'affirmative',Cuz you stuck a bun in my ovenand you haven't an alternative.

• Tonight is For the Dying I've seen it grow dark ten-thousand times, yet never once mourned the loss of light, until tonight. Tonight I'm dying, dying, dying; before morn I may be ash in an urn, I know the light will return, maybe keeping ablaze its promise to others. Maybe not.If I had my druthers, the others would bedying, dying, dying, too,tonight.

• UPS [10w] Women at work judge the UPS man by his package.

• Speak to the Head [10w] + {Couplet} Tis of no fucking availTo speak to the tail.

• *"Maybe the whole point of my life is to make you feel more alive.

• Revel in the Unraveling Being authentic is lifting the maskon who you think you should be seen as,and becoming at ease with your bare ass vulnerability.Revel in the unraveling,take courage in sharing your imperfections,and you'llincrease your loveexponentially.

• Divine Write [10w] To write is to divinely dabblein infinite alternate realities.

• Your Poem A poem is a waking dream.If your poem is shit,then it was a fucking nightmare.

• Poetry vs. Prose [10w] Prose is the bread of imagination;poetry is the wine.

• American Foreign Policy [10w] Foreign Policy requires dealing from the bottom of the deck.

• As Long As It Has a Fast Internet Connection {Couplet} I need a cozy den to winter in,a hiberaculum away from the city's din.

• Infinite Promise The carrot of infinite promise always dangles just inches beyond our noses.The trick is to surreptitiously switch that carrot for a zucchini.

• Recollection [10w] Recollection recategorize memoriesby sorting them out into different collections.

• Go with your Gut Our eyes, our mind plays tricks.Our love muscle, our heartchooses blindly and impulsively.But our gut,ahh, our gut,always makes the wise choice ~and goes straight for the burning hot pocketsfresh out of the microwavebecause our mouthsahh, our mouths,never needed a roof in the first place.

• Break All the Rules of Poetry Place no limits on your poetry.Live a little.Break all the fucking rules!If it comes deep from the wellsprings of your imagination,the woolgathering of dreamers ~it is poetry ~no matter what anyone says.

• My Secret for Out-of-the-Box-Thinking To help me writein my signature out-of-the-box style,I sit in front of my humidifier that I've filled up with Grey Goose vodka.My humidifier is now at Underwriters Laboratoriesin a 12-Step Programand buddied up with a de-humidifier.

• Herpes [10w] Only greatness and genital herpes are conspicuous by their absence.

• Carlsberg: Probably the best lager in the world... ...just like IKEA is the best furniture on earth.

• God Created [10w] Lips were created to kiss and hands to make peace.

• Pizza vs. Internet Porn I'm still debating whether pizza or internet porn is the best thing ever invented.I've already jack-off three times while eating a double-cheese pepperoni piemaking my careful deliberations.

• Fugly Fishmates For every woman that looks like a hatchet-faced haddockthere's an equally ugly flounder-faced man with even fewer prospects.

• Love vs. Honeymoon [10w] Love is what truly begins when the honeymoon is over.

• Rhode Island State Motto Hope.Not much here but at least we have Family Guy.

• Washington State Motto Al-Ki. [25]America's most rainy, PC and annoying state.

• Kraft Macaroni & Cheese: It's the cheesiest... ...advertising slogan ever!

• Learning from Experience Learning from experience means, 'Boy, did I just fuck up!

• Self-Help I asked the bookseller,'Do you have any self-help books for addiction?'He said,'If I tell you, I'd be enabling you.

• How Hard? [10w] Fuck’em hard enough to make their breasts move like Jell-O.

• Rain Check I'm a shitty typist and speller, I hunt and peck,I wrote, "i LeFt mY sWeEtToOtH iN yOuR nEcKoF tHe WoOdS, cOuLd YoU pLeAsE bRiNgIt BeCk."Surprisingly, you did,and left."rAiN cHeCk.

• In and Out [10w] Our infant blanket in the externalization of our mother's womb.ღ ♛ ღ ♛ ღ ♛ ღ ♛ ღ Intruth, we should be married under,sling our newborn babiesinand after deathbe shrouded in the same infant blanketwe were taken home from the hospital in.

• The Freedom Paradox [10w] The act of protecting freedom is a violation of freedom.

• Fabulous Creatures and Trust Issues [10w] Never trust a sheep in wolf’s clothing despite the unicorn.

• Gray [10w] Since gray's the 'new black' things aren't black and white.

• Stumble When you don't know how to end a sentence you've stumbled upon a truth.

• Office Depot: Taking Care of Business... ...with short breaks, bad management and no job advancement opportunities.

• Virginia Haiku "Bowl of chili for me.She'll have the Cheesy Western.Both with, add a slab.

• The Universe Begins and Ends in Us If a telescope could see beyond the edges of the universe,we would see ourselves looking into a telescope trying to see beyond the edges of universe.

• What is God? [17] [10w] God has a fondness for cosmology and carbon-based life forms.

• Dialogue Knowledge compromises its truthonce it ceases to be a dialogue.

• Movies [10w] Movies were invented to sellbuttery snacks and sugary drinks

• Summer NYC ☜ʇɥƃᴉlɟ☞'ɥsɐp ɐ 'ɥsɐlds ∀˙ɥʇɐq ʍollɐɥs ɐ ʇɐ sʍoɹɹɐds ǝʞᴉlsɹǝlʞuᴉɹds ʇɐ uǝɹplᴉɥƆ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~Children at sprinklerslike sparrows at a shallow bath.A splash, a dash, ☜flight☞

• Don't Mess with the Queen {Couplet} The first man harnessing the secrets of fireCannot compare with the revelation of your sovereign ire.

• War [10w] When leaders threaten war,they’re breaking dirt on our graves.

• Soup [10w] Never marry anyone who eats their soup with a ladle.

• Travel [10w] The difference between a traveler and vacationer is one arrives.

• Getting Even Bring a gun to a knife-fight,Bring a nuke to a war.Even if you don't win,You'll even the score.““”̿ ̿ ̿ ̿ ̿’̿’̵͇̿̿з=(•̪ⓧ)=ε/̵͇̿̿/̿ ̿ ̿ ̿ ̿

• Fame [10w] Fame has a funny way of rewriting your entire past.

• Hypocrisy [10w] Religion without hypocrisy doesn't exist;that's man's imperfection, not God's.

• Lost Love [10w] + {Couplet} Lost love's the season of mists,Though they are gone, memory persists.

• Long Term Relationships [10w] Long term relationships should begin and end with a laugh.

• Present {Couplet} Our present is the dissipating despair of our past mingled with the promise of our future we hope will last.

• ESL New immigrantswho've taken ESL (English as a Second Language),will always misunderstand sarcasm ~but those fuckers sure as shit enjoy the prices at Walmart.

• Please Don't Commemorate Me Just Yet [10w] The living are only commemorated when they're at death's door.

• Atheism [10w] Atheism is the tragic triumph of cold contemptuousness over gratitude.

• Shakespeare vs. Keynesian Economics {Couplet} If 'Neither a lender nor a borrower be',investments would dry up, economies stagnate,and off to the poorhouse go you and me.

• Life Imprisonment with No Possibility of Parole [10w] "The needle is preferable to three hots and a cot.

• Persistence If persistence is the foundation of all success, how come persistent liars and nags aren't more successful?

• Democracy, Really [10w] A democracy is free to replace one tyranny with another.

• Biggest Problem with 10w [10w] The biggest problem with aphorisms is people believe they're true.

• Past is Past [10w] Lovers should clearly avoid obsessing about each other's romantic past.

• Good Egg [10w] Picking up the pieces is the responsibilty of the egg.

• Ruth Whither thou goest, I will go ~as long as it's to the mall.I heard Dillard's is having an 80% off sale!

• The Human Race Pleasure is the sprint.Contentment is the 5 mile.Happiness is the marathon.

• There's More Than Two Choices [10w] Don't take the road less traveled;blaze your own path.

• Endless Childhood [10w] + {Couplet} Put off summer's endAnd adulthood's vexingburdens shall suspend.

• Marriage Material For women seeking a marriage partner,a man's sense of humor trumps good looks.Unfortunately for the funnymen out there,security trumps laughter.

• How to Treat Your Lover {Couplet} If you want to learn how your lover best to treat,Pretend each time is the last time you'll ever meet.

• Facebook's New Marketing Slogan "We can only be lonesome together.900,000,000 served.

• Out-of-the-Box [10w] I march to my own drummerin a drum circle.

• The Stink of Hate {Couplet} When haters write they raise a stink;must be the venom coursing through their ink.

• Oy Vey Haiku (g)Nat's sphincter clenched.The skinhead asked, 'You a Jew?Minyan's one man short.

• Preparation [10w] Hope for the best, but prepare for your insufferable wife.

• Misfortune Misfortune is but a stepping stone to great fortune ~especially if your slip and fall was possibly caused by negligenceand you get yourself a good Jew lawyer to sue the parties responsible.

• That's Why Shag's the Way To Go [10w] Love's messy;it tracks mud on the carpet of life.

• Ode to a Wastepaper Basket I love the way you sit in the corner,gracious like a lover,catching my every crumpled vanity.

• Fall in Love in Fall {Couplet} It would be more befitting to fall in love in the fall,for the leave's colorful dance of death, augurs the long haul.

• Grave Dancing for Dummies {Couplet} They danced at my grave when I was buried at sea;with my haters drowned, I'm now totally free.

• The Poet's Disease My body atrophies.My mind swells.Imagination's become my crutch.

• Love in the Afterlife [10w] Maybe I'll love you in the afterlife.This life, fuhgeddaboudit.

• Seafood My body's just a shell,the world is my oyster ~and I'm getting a whale of appetiteright now for some delicious seafood .

• Wrong Number [10w] There is no such thing as dialing a wrong number.

• God May Grant Your Wishes Daily [10w] Pray for sunshine at night and moonbeams when you wake.

• Deadly Sex Haiku Each thrust of his cockwas another coffin nailhammered in my heart.

• The Unspoken Speaks Volumes Stillness brackets the exchanges between lovers. Itis not the lack of sound, but an encapsulated silenceof resonance. Resonant silences stand like bookends, embracing their thoughts;though formal pleasantries vibrate the air,they are more ritual than communication.The couples true intents are articulated in the unspoken.Two bodies.One soul.

• Leap of Faith [10w] Seeing God withinis where the leap of faith lands.

• Err 2 [10w] To err is human, to make it a habit, assinine.

• Scientology [10w] There's nothing more oppressive than the ignorance of foolish belief.

• Soulmate My Ass [10w] Aspire to marry the person the least wrong for you.

• Hellman's Mayonnaise: Bring out the Hellman's and bring out the best... ...artery clogger since Burger King’s Triple Whopper with Cheese.

• Hustling [10w] Fishing's the world's oldest profession;only the bait has changed.

• Mood Swings 'ᏰέƦẙḽԃṏሁ's the most "unappreciated"poet on this site.Being "misunderstood"is what gets him into a fight.Now that I'm retired and free,He's the new "King"of HP ~Now I hate that Jew because he's better and right.

• Tangled [10w] Love becomes a tangle of roots submerged in common soil.

• The Game Is Afoot God's buried eight jewels within my soul.Life's game is,'Remove each gem, yet find me whole.'The clue is,"Eight is one, and one is eight,no jewel's more precious,all equally great.

• Flood of Feeling {Couplet} A flood of feeling is a poem,created from daydreaming in the zone.The levees break, emotions snake,from imagination's ocean who sets the stakes.

• Visual Pun [10w] Example of visual pun:cloud shaped like a banana peel.

• Upgrading [10w] Promise them the worldto get the universe in return.

• Prolific [10w] "Perhaps I'm prolific because I believe creativity can forestall death.

• Rice-a-Roni: The San Francisco treat... ...the other treat, of course, being anal penetration.

• Southern Cat on a Hot Tin Roof Sure nuff, I'm happier than a cat on a formerly hot tin roofwhich now usesNXT Cool Zone® heat reflecting roof coating ~but I'm still ornier than a mule on loco weedand a whole lot hornier than a two-dicked billy goat.You gots any coatin' for dat?

• Coffee Wisdom [2] For a real manthe only thing better than the scent of pussyis the smell of freshly ground coffee.

• Virtual Reality [10w] Bliss is a virtual-reality headset coupled with a virtual-reality hooker software.

• Love vs. Mental Illness [10w] Love, like mental illness, comes on graduallyand then suddenly.

• Sharia Justice [10w] Sharia justice is a lynch mob masquerading as Allah's will.

• Dressed to Kill [10w] At fashionable parties,vegetarians should not be dressed to kill.

• Missouri State Motto Salus populi suprema lex esto [16]If our chiggers don't getcha', Rush Limbaugh will.

• Sex Kitchens of the Future [10w] Her entire kitchen was made of silicone ~ including her breasts.

• Do Me No Favors Haiku 'Do me no favors ~I can take care of myself.So, pay the check and drive me home.

• Did He Do the Right Thing? I walked out of the room. I did not stay to watch my beloved draw her last breath because I didn't want all my magical memories of her tainted by the profanity of death.

• Genocide [10w] Genocide is the runaway bride once death becomes the bridegroom.

• Self-Contempt [10w] Self-contempt is calling yourself collect and refusing to accept the charges.

• Ballz Deep & Strange Haiku [1] Down the schnapps, third eye,cat flaps, pussy hole, fish lips,cha cha, ooo la la.

• Vacations for Souls [10w] When souls are bored in Heaven they vacation in Hell.

• Enmity Enmity is the soul of shit.

• Evolution of Love [10w] Love evolved from when one monkey handed another a blossom.

• Finding Fault [10w] + {Couplet} We find in others faultWhenever our wounds perceives salt.

• Avery If a boy named Avery marries a girl named Avery,will they name or just label their children?

• God vs. Satan [10w] Why can't God and Satan get along?They're both detail-oriented.

• One Size Fits All Life Strategy Smile first.Ask questions later.

• Why I Don't Carry a Cellphone [10w] It's a sign of servility you can be contacted anytime.

• Note to Self: Patent #10w Diving Mask for fish filled with water when oceans disappear.

• Wretched [10w] Intelligence without compassion is an invitation to a wretched life.

• Vapers I bought a vape pen from a vaporium.The vapologist advised meto get the model with the refillable vape tank.When the fuck did smoking become so vapid?

• Beyond the Place of Turning Back ↺ "Sometimes I wish to fly so far sou⇟hit's stars beyond the place of turning back↺

• The Poet's Job [10w] + {Couplet} Trigger memory, explode an emotion;the poet must create commotion....................................................­.....................

• The Sound of Killing [10w] + [10w] A doe, a deer, a femaledeerin my headlights.A doe, a deer, a femaledeeron my sunroof.

• Scientifically Proven [10w] Mariah Carey has a brain the size of a walnut.

• Mmm Mmm Good Gimmick Campbell's Soup announced todayit's introducing 'QWERTY' soupfor our more computer literate children.Who are they kidding?They're just relabeling the old Alphabet Soup.

• Gypsy When one gypsy spits on you, its disgusting;when two do, it's suspicious;when three do, you're late to a gypsy wedding.

• Poets Be Realists! Poets be realists!It's O.K. to keep your jobs ~just don't quit your day dreams.

• Predestination [10w] 'Twas predestined that I'd call predestination a crock of shit.

• The State of the World Attests to This: [10w] Common people are too easily manipulated or stupid to vote.

• Somalia Haiku For a Somalian, heaven's drawing water from a well in an earthen pot.

• The AP Stylebook is Useless {Couplet} I can't abbreviate abbreviation nor know how to initialize an acronym,I can find the contraction for contraction nor the précis for a homonym.

• The Poet's Mind In so many ways I walk ablaze in a maze,my eyes in a glaze, my mind in a daze,this poem's just a phrase in the latency phase,rephrase, rephrase, rephrase...

• No Planning for Death [10w] People put more planning into a weekend vacation than death.

• Say No to Drugs Commercials The image of an egg sizzling in a frying pan is not your brain on drugs.It's just a fucking omelet.

• Storm [10w] Clouds darken to X-rays revealingthe tumorous thunder resounding within.

• Epic vs. Great Poetry [10w] Epic poetry's about the extraordinary;Great poetry is about the commonplace.

• Death & Poetry Nothing softens the blow of death like a cushy poem to fall upon.

• Kaddish Kaddish for Mrs. Ginsbergis not Kaddish,For your mom raised a Buddhistand mine raised a Jew.You'll zazen for your loss,I'll daven for mine.I do not belittle your loss,your grief is no less than mine.But by abandoning your tribe, אלון,Who now will say Kaddish for you?

• Leaps of Faith [10w] Like religion, leaps of faith are behind all idealistic movements.

• Poetry as Entertainment [10w] Poetry that's not entertaining is just a self-indulgent laundry list.

• The Flood that Did Not Subside [10w] What would today's world be,If Noah's dove flew into obscurity?

• Athens, Texas Haiku Blackeyed Pea Capital of the World.Yup, just another shithole.

• No-brainers [10w] No-brainers are challenging enough for people with no fucking brains.

• Notoriety vs. Anonymity [10w] 'Tis better to live with notoriety,than die of anonymity.

• If You Can't Think, You've No Right to Speak [10w] Our Constitution's guarantee of free speech specifically excludes fucking idiots.

• Spineless "How do you know which invertebrate lacks resolution if they're all spineless?

• Rationalize [10w] Man needs an apt aphorism to rationalize his ruthless actions.

• Irish-Gaelic Wife-Fooking Proverb The truth can't be concealedI fooked your Caitlin from behind,because you can never plow a field by just turning it over in your mind.By the way, Caitlin's last words, before sucking me cock, were"Me husband's balls smells like ballyblue cheese, ahhhhhh, Éirinn go Brách!

• Galoshes Haiku Cherry blossoms bloomin the morning mist.Thank God I took my galoshes.

• The 'Ugly' Poet [10w] Poets develop cleverness with wordsto compensate for their unattractiveness.

• A Prayer God, be my light in pitch-black night;Show me the path from wrong to rightThat I might in Your hands be delivered later,Having eclipsed myself to become something greater.

• Writer's Prayers That Don't Work "Lord, lead me from the banality of everyday life,to the gleaming one beneath the surface.

• First Day at Harvard [10w] Smartest kid in the roomwalks into room of competitors.

• Mythbusters [10w] Snipers will assure you safety in numbers is a myth.

• Charity [10w] Contentment over your life is the best aphrodisiac for charity.

• Grandma's Advice on Ambition "Children, if you aim for the stars you'll be impaled by small meteorites and become toast.

• Pun vs. Puny [10w] + {Couplet} "His penis was a pun,judging by the predictable groans.The hours set by innuendos,the seconds by the moans.

• Let Others Speak [10w] When others speak of your virtues they grow tenfold.

• A Loaf of Challah Haiku A loaf of challah,a bottle of Rashi wine...For everything else there's Simply Manischewitz.

• Retail [10w] The first and last sale of the day are best.

• Thorn [5w] Every thorn has its rose.

• Catalyst [10w] You're not lying if your lie helps engender the truth.

• Wheels of Change Discontentment is the wheels of change.You can either add some grease to bring about change faster,or run in front of them in protest,and be crushed by them.

• Who, Me? We marry nearly the same person over and over again,hoping next time they'll get it right.

• Bespeckled Heroes [10w] Great heroes in 100 years become statues speckled with birdshit.

• Love Undeniable [10w] A lover may deny anything to their lover but love.

• Poets Job Description [10w] Poets console the soul with words and eyes with images.

• Love's War [10w] In love's war there aren't winners and losers ~just casualties.

• Too Much Information You must empty your mind of garbage to let new garbage in.

• Death [10w] What the the dying most resent is life goes on.

• Love vs. Control [10w] A lover you can control is not worthy of having.

• New Year's Revolving Door [10w] + [10w] + {Couplet} 2015's revolution commences with the overthrow of New Year's resolution.Seek not absolutionfor our weak character's immune to evolution.

• First Things First "Where are you?"is the voice of God."Who am I?"is the voice of your soul.You can't answer Goduntil you answer yourself.Before you come out of hiding,find your identity and your purpose.

• Tennessee State Motto Agriculture and Commerce.Where the KKK was bornand the most popular pick up line is, 'Nice tooth!

• Opportunities Come a Knockin' [10w] Never miss the opportunity to fuck or write poetry.

• Heartbreak [10w] Heartbreak’s like a heart attack but without the hospital bills.

• Humble Wishes [10w] "God, all I simply ask is that I become perfect.

• Children Learn to Love and Hate A child understands love by three months and hate by three years.How the child processes that understandingwill shape his character for the next seventy.

• Indiscernible Love [10w] True love's so effortless, others can hardly see it's happening.

• Russian, Umerzhurnalistka Someone who too many questions for his own good. Literally, 'Dead journalist'.

• Who Isn't [10w] Psychotherapy's powerless once you assume you're smarter than the therapist.

• Extra Crispy Deranged Free Range Chickens "Hey, I may be delusional in believing you're delusional,but one thinks for sure, the person who bothers to read this shit is delusional.

• Animal Species Identity [10w] Funny how animals know their own species without a mirror.

• Bagels and Lox Life's an everything bagel;love is a schmear of scallion cream cheese;and lox, no matter how you cut it,is resistant to dumbass metaphors.

• Poetry and Ostrich Feathers A poet should leave his poem covered with a faint film of fairy dust,inviting the reader to bring his faint heartand an ostrich feather duster to the reading.

• Love on Fire [10w] A man in love cannot see fire or smell smoke.

• but,=" "soft!=" "what=" "light=" "through=" "yonder=" "window=" "breaks?"=" "[10w]=" "Shut the fuck up! I think we got a burglar.

• Time Traveler's Ennui The future ain't what it use to be.

• Maintaining the Distance between Wealth and Poverty [10w] The nouveau riche are far more ruthlessthan the rich.

• Origami Master If you're the greatest origami master in the worldmaybe I can find you a job folding napkins at a restaurant.I'm not making any promises.

• Ethical Dilemma of an Ascending Body [10w] + [10w] You can't ascend a ladderwithout rungs to push back;you can't climb a staircasewithout stairs to step on.

• Rat Trap Haiku 'Hmm, 12 by 13,4 by 9. Oy! You call thisrat trap an apartment?

• Depression Busy people have neither the time nor the swimming skills to take a divein a pool of depression.

• Double-Dipping [10w] Double-dip in righteousness and delight in the here and herafter.

• 2D or Not 2D [10w] The best thing about a two-dimensional world is nobody's fat.

• Err [10w] My dear, "To err is human — to forgive, to redefine.

• Switch Hitter [10w] Aphorisms are penned in my left brain,poetry, my right.

• Discrete vs. Discreet Moonlight falls upon my feet,beyond the sun's overwrought conceit.I'm painted pristine white, without the heat;reflection's cool reflection~ how discreet!

• The Squeaky Wheel The squeaky wheel ~will put you $374.43 in the holeafter replacing the brake pad, rotorsand $500 with a new master cylinder.

• Obscure Poetry Obscurity does not make a poem better or deeper.It simply makes it obscure.

• Eckhart Tolle for Sociopaths The foundation for all abundance is having more cool shit than your neighbor.

• Yams vs. Sweet Potatoes vs. Cassava vs. Popeye [10w] "I am that I am that I am a yam.

• Angels vs. Fools [10w] Au contraire: Angels rush in where fools fear to tread.

• Virtual Friends [10w] Internet camaraderie's bullshit because these 'friends' can't be relied upon.

• Stampede [10w] Her stampede of wild emotions broke down everything once stable.

• Now [10w] + {Couplet} Whether you Hurry up! or P r o c r a s t i n a t e,the NOW doesn't discriminate.

• Poetry and Dogs [10w] Poetry and dogs make the best companions.Don't trust dogs.

• California Haiku "After my boob jobI'm taking acting lessons.Fuck's fifty, no anal.

• Evil [10w] Believing you're evil sets into motion the wheels of self-destruction.

• Free Lunch There's no such thing as a free lunch ~for people who haven't yet learned to beat the system ;)

• The Wonder of Wandering [10w] When you wander without destination,the world becomes your teacher.

• If I Were God [10w] If I were God I'd sell my shit on Ebay.

• Iran [10w] In Teheran daylight dawnswith minarets against skies of bronze.

• Hook 'em I know how to leave them satisfied and hungry for more ~with a carefully administered shot of insulin.

• ❞ [10w] "Let's cuddle like a quotation mark filling a blank page.

• Jew in a Canoe Haiku Jew in a canoe,whitewater rushes, the canoe tips.The Jew doesn't.

• O God O God I love you.I worship you, I need you.Everything I am is because of you.Everything.O God I hate you.

• Evil Thoughts [10w] Believing 'You're either with us or against us' is evil.

• Library [10w] Hopefully, the library in the afterlife doesn't contain contemporary poetry.

• again!"=" "Perfect happiness is when your child giggles and yells,"Again!

• My Sweet Home, Alabama If it grows, it sticks, if it crawls, it bites,if it's outside, it rusts,if it's ornery, it fights,if it's a dawg, it barks.if its a possum, it feignsif it's a buggy, it squeals,if it's winter, it's summer,If it's slimy, it's eels.If it ain't Dixie, it won't do,so let's fix to get piss drunkand lynch us another nigger and Jew.

• Occam's Razor [10w] I shaved with Occam's razor and he shaved with mine.

• Finally, I Know Who I Am You are what you eat.~ Ludwig Andreas FeuerbachWe become what we think about.~ Earl NightingaleI'm a Horny Pizza!

• Past/Present/Future I have no problem living in the present,but because of my pastpeople want to kill me in the future.

• Political Strategists Avoids the Controversial [10w] Politicians win by pandering to the base of shared assumptions.

• Fate [10w] The eternal point where our dreams intersect is called fate.

• 3 Surefire Ways to Win a Man You sucking my cock made our relationship interesting.You taking it up your ass made it meaningful.You cooking me dinner made it lasting.

• Mingling Defined [10w] Superficial people engaging with superficial people on a superficial level.

• Oppressor vs. Oppressed [10w] Love somtimes disintegrates into becoming the oppressor or the oppressed.

• Busch Beer: Head for the mountains... [10w] ...and fall off the precipice shitfaced.

• Keep Your Day Job Bitch [10w] + {Couplet} If you've guessed that I'm blessed,augury ain't your strawberry.

• Amazon.com Amazon.com is the Church of Consumer Capitalismwhose ethics demands we know the price of everything,the value of absolutely nothing of true moral valueand most importantly ~Customers Who Bought This Item Also Bought.

• Confucius vs. Confusion [10w] Confucius says if pussy smell like fish change the bait.

• What Children See [10w] "A spider is an octopus who lives in the desert.

• Dogs [10w] Dogs never lie about love,but occasionally fake an orgasm.

• Entrepreneurs [10w] A man should be judged by the companyhe sells.

• Poetry Calling [10w] Poetry's not a calling.It's a whispering in your ear.

• I [10w] 'I' is a wellspring in the desertoverflowing with life.

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• Six Minus Three Degrees of Stupidation [10w] Three degrees of stupid:stupidstupid squaredstupid stupid stupid

• The Grass is Always Greener on the Other Side of the Hill That's because my lawn is on a south-facing slope of the hill and more more open to sunlight and warm winds. It's dryer due to higher levels of evapotranspiration than my neighbor's greener north-facing slope.I'm not the least bit envious of the color of his greener grass.I'm just pissed that the prick owns a better piece of real estate.

• Grateful [10w] + [10w] If you can't think of anything you should be grateful for,think that you can think and be grateful for that.

• Let's get physical, physical [10w] All physical contact is meaningful,even if meaningful means sleazy.

• Hate [10w] Love cannot hate eradicate ~only a more ruthless hate can.

• Explosive Heart [10w] + {Couplet} A heart that's been playedcan become a hand grenade.

• Shit Poetry [10w] Poetry without grace of expression is just so much shit.

• Teenagers [10w] Teenagers are the lone survivors of a ruthless hormonal holocaust.

• The Machismo Motto [10w] "When we are not hard as nails we get screwed.

• Ars Poetica: Dovetailing Collage [10w] Poems should be a dovetailing collage not a linear cohesion.

• Imitation [10w] Art imitates life.Life imitates art.I just imitate imitation.

• Man vs. Chimp Even chimpanzees are toolmakers,but only man has the unique honor of being a Godmaker.

• The Tragedy of Forgetfulness When you stop loving someone,in order to heal your memory of them begins to fade.Unfortunately, the good ones fade with the bad and suddenlyyears of your life have disappeared.

• Promising vs. Promises A promising life comes from a childhood without broken promises.

• A Real Passionate Kiss Should Feel Like Dying [10w] Like ice melting into water coming to a rolling boil.

• First Things First [10w] God created the possibility of absurditybefore he created man.

• Me vs. Me Only the practice of empathy and gratitudecan make the opaque ego transparent to receivethe loving light emanating from your soul.Hate and selfishness will always leave you'in the shadow.

• Heart My heart jumps every time you walk through the door.It's not love.I have an arrhythmia.

• Gone to the Dogs [10w] All ideals corrupt into ideology to sustain the social order.

• Detonation vs. Pre-Ignition [10w] Poets have thin skins;physicists call this differential burn rates.

• Publisher's Persuasion "You're much too good a writer to want a six figure advance. You don't want your readers to think you're only writing for money ~ do you?

• What One Vulture Said to the Other I have a bone to pick with you ~which end shall we start on?

• Old People [10w] At the mere mention of death they gasp for breath.

• Iowa Haiku "We're not really dull,we are just misunderstood.Weed helps dull the pain.

• Spooning [10w] Love means tasting her spaghetti sauce on a wooden spoon.

• Area 51 [20w] If aliens were truly looking for intelligent life on earth,what the fuck were they thinking going to New Mexico?

• Omnipresence Under The Christmas Tree "I wish I was a schizophrenic with déjà vu so I could've been everywhere simultaneously.

• The Gypsy Jackpot An ambulance, a police car and a fire truck parked in front of a gypsy's trailer can only mean one thing ~ insurance scam!

• Pushkin When Pushkin came to Shovekin all hell broke loose.

• Home Never give up a home for a house;you may never find a home again.

• Compassion [10w] Compassion is the combination to enter the vault of heaven.

• Selfies [10w] Selfies allows you instant gratification and reminiscence all at once.

• 9/11 Haiku: Rudy Giuliani, Mayor of New York "Now you boxcutter, Iraqi Pete, camel fuckersreally pissed me off!

• When in Doubt [10w] If your relationship becomes stagnant,set fire to her dress.

• Telekinetic Poker Players Telekinetic poker players have a tell when they're bluffing:they always raise you.

• Curse of the Ageing Woman {Couplet} I'm a wallflower, bluestocking, left on the Shelf, When you're beyond one's sell-by date, you've left by yourself,

• Pussy [10w] Her pussy was heaven's gate and the backdoor of hell.

• Grass in a Sidewalk Crack Grass sprounting miraculously in a sidewalk crack is a metaphor forlousy maintenance.

• Broken [10w] + {Couplet} "His gifts have become broken things, hidden from my view,Sitting on a shelf, above my shoes, like exterminated Jews.

• Eye of God [10w] The Hubble-Universe is a microchip in the Eye of God.

• Too Beautiful for Words [10w] + [10w] When nature presents us with miracles too beautiful for words,it is either a mountain, a beach, or a baby.

• GPS for Sin "You've entered the point of no return;Re-cal-cu-la-ting.

• Mercy vs. Revenge "May God have mercy on my unfaithful, back-stabbing, adulterous husband because I sure as hell won't.

• Romantic Ring Ceremony Define this wedding ring,with which I betroth thee unto me forever,not by the confining boundaries of it's goldbut by the empty circle within -that perfect portal to your loving heartyou have opened for me, and me alone -as I have opened mine for you.

• ♥ Love ♡ My heart skips a beat every time you walk through the door!It isn't love ~ I have an arrhythmia.

• Reckless vs. Diet [10w] I live too recklessly to worry about low carb diets.

• Minus One [10w] We more people we fuckthe more lonely we become.

• Kansas Haiku "Ya' know Superman'sfrom here and Jor-El could'vesent him to New York.

• The 2-Step Self-Discovery Program The first step in self-discovery is not giving a shit what anybody else thinks.The second step is knowing you're a self-centered asshole.

• When Old Age Begins Old age seizes center stagewhen more people we love are amidst the deadthan amongst the living.

• A Note from Time Management [10w] Our time machine's temporarily out of order. Come back yesterday.

• Louisiana Dynamite Fishin' {10w] "Uncle Jimbo sez, if dey don't float it ain't fishin'.

• Oxford, England Haiku City shrouded in fogand within the blinding mist we found each other.

• Mind Maneuvers When we hear something unflattering,our mind doesn't fully process it.When we hear a compliment,the mind goes into overdriveand tend to read too much into it.

• Buddha (Haiku) Buddha, Enlightened,I rub your belly to blessmy Lotto ticket.

• Soar Like a Pigeon [10w] Better be a pigeon than an eagle with Indians around.

• Who Am I "I don't know who I am whenI'm not the person who loves you.

• A Good Krill When there's a ocean to sieve through,there's no good or bad krill.There's only your mouth and hunger ~like Vladimir Putin.

• Wishing Wells [10w] Wishes fall to the bottom of wells;only faith floats.

• What Women Want [10w] What women want is a feeling of security with abs.

• Breathe inhale.exhalerepeatThat should solve 90% of your problems.For the other 10% ask your local Rabbi.

• Committees [10w] A committee sits in a rectangle and talks in circles.

• A Moment Before Impact [10w] The deer's eyes were moonstones, reflecting back my car's headlights.

• Still Hangin' in the Child Hood [20w] You can spend an entire lifetime trying to be a child again,or never lose your childhood to begin with.

• Kill Buddha's Hairdresser [10w] I'd like to meet Buddha's hairdresser and shoot the prick.

• Hungry When you're hungry everything tastes good.Note to myself: Don't get married when you're hungry.

• That Jesus Kinda' Love [20w] What people do for the loveof their Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ,I wouldn't do for my fucking mother.

• Q & A The illness of our time is not that we lack for answers;man's tragedy is that we've forgotten the important questions.

• North Dakota Haiku "My bib overallslook spiffy at a weddingor a funeral.

• Nebraska State Motto Equality before the law.Where Monsanto/GMO corn is above the law.

• Wheaties: Breakfast of Champions... who'll endorse any product for a price.

• What happens when you trip China's Premier Li Keqiang on a banana peel? Your wind up with an even more slippery slope.

• Finish Off Your Enemies If you finish off your enemiesdo they wind up more charming and with better manners?

• Las Vegas Magic! I was the greatest magician in the world.Things were going great. My agent booked me to play the Mirage Hotel in Las Vegas for $100,000 per performance!When I got onstage everything suddenly disappeared.I'm not sure if it was allan illusion or a delusion,but I cashed the check anyway just to be safe.

• Lotto If I won a million bucks in Lotto,I'd give it to Charity.Charity gives great head.

• Money Can't Buy Everything [10w] Money can't buy everything ~ but love is certainly no exception.

• Talented [10w] Being called talented brings with it more hatred than applause.

• Dammit Goddammit' Defined [10w] Damned if you do and damned if you don't double-bind.

• Read vs. Write If you want to know about life second hand, read;if you want to experience life directly, write.

• Bruges Belgium Haiku Behind a stack of grey Lego bricksyou wheeze up Belfry's 366 stepsand don't see a single bat.

• Death Ride Denied At the stables of your agonyDeath brought his morbid mareTo whisk you from your woeful wantsAnd coax you from your cares.A ride you did deny this princeAnd bid him soft farewell,Hoping the morrow must be brighter sinceYour yesterdays were hell.

• Minimum Wage [10w] Even trained bears couldn't bear working for bare minimum wage.

• Dysfunctional vs. You're One Fucked Up Bitch [10w] "Causing pain's the only way you know how to love.

• Privacy [10w] Why someone prefers his privacy is itself a private matter.

• Doldrums People who live in the doldrumscan't throw caution to the wind.

• Rebellious Fish [10w] Sometimes swimming against the current turns you into glazed salmon.

• Jesus [10w] "Sorry to keep you hanging,but it's just our nature.

• Argument [10w] Argue for the sake of resolutionnot for arguments sake..

• Recipe for Love [10w] Recipe for love:compatibilityattraction ~just add penis and stir.

• Some Semblance of Such "To lose one's identity to a Doppelgänger may be regarded as a misfortune; to lose multiple identities speaks of Nabakov.

• Miss Universe Contest Protest Haiku Fundamentalists protest Miss Universe contest.Go home, beat their wives.

• No That's Bad Aim Shoot!That ass clown couldn't hit the broad side of a barnwith the smart photon torpedohe lifted from Area 51.

• Twittersweeet [10w] Finding Twitter followers' like fishing in a lake of fisherman.

• Autumn Ikebana [10w] + {Haiku} Earthen rainbows raked by Autumn's Ikebana of wind arranging leaves.or:Earthen rainbows raked by Autumn's Ikebana of wind arranging leaves.

• Who is Fortunate? [10w] Who is fortunate?He who measures his fortune in friends.

• Ranger Smith, Unemployement and the Possibility of Unperceived Existence If a tree falls in the forest and we're not there,do we fire the park ranger without making a sound?

• Kansas State Motto Ad astra per aspera. [9]Flat land and flatline intelligence.

• How to Exercise Caution [10w] Walk in the counsel of the wickedon your treadmill.

• Today I Learned: Delete Today I learnedwhen you delete stuff on your computerit still resides on your hard drive.It's sort of like getting divorcedbut that bitch still lives in your house.

• Chlorophylia [10w] + {Couplet} Few things amaze as the paletteof the autumn blaze.

• A Matter of Perspective I see rain dancing on the stage of the pond.Fish see heaven throwing a thousand kisses.My wife see a drizzle of olive oil on a pot of spaghetti. The scientist sees condensation and precipitation.The rain sees reincarnation.A poet see them all in permutation.

• Proof Proof of God's existence is as silly as proof of love's.

• Virtual Reality [10w] The only thing better than reality is perfected virtual reality.

• The Rubik's Cube of Omár my Mán A Key of Coke underneath the Bough,A Jug of Jack, a Brick of Hash ~ Newsflash:'Now who the fuck needs Thou'.

• There is nothing wrong with your television set. Do not attempt to adjust the picture. [10w] + {Couplet} Network TV's insistent stupidity to the Outer Limits pushes me.

• Royal Pricks [10w] Woe unto the king of his bubble who's a prick.

• Reflection Upon Reflection [10w] Don't look into a mirror in rooms full of mirrors.

• The Dangers of Second Hand Smoke "Second hand smoke can be harmful becauseif you don't put out that fucking cigaretteI'm smashing your head open with this baseball bat.

• Il Principe 2015: Lesson 2 ~ Shit If you're going to run for public office,you must first scrape the shit off your shoe,or the stink will follow you.

• Spirituality and Aging Spirituality comes naturally to the old because they're running out of options.

• Straight Men vs. Curved Women [10w] 'Straight' men who approach 'curved' women must'mind the gap'.

• Fucking 3rd World Taxi Drivers [10w] Taxi drivers have ruined more vacations than tsunamis or earthquakes.

• Having Words with Words [10w] ”I’ve had a falling out with words,leaving me speechless.

• ♀ Travelers vs. ♀ Tourists [10w] + [10w] Female travelers wear no makeup, stringy jewelry and Jesus sandals.Female travelers wear overcaked makeup, diamond jewelry and Gucci Booties.

• The Written Word The only thing I hold dearer than myself(and my moms, yo') ~is the written word.I'd give my life for that bitch, (yo'.)

• Writer's Block [10w] Every writer's block is surrounded by a million other possibilities.

• Penetration [10w] The difference between truism and an enlightened [10w] is penetration.

• Tickled Pink Today,without thinking,I filled my half-empty fish tank, to its brink.Having doubled the size of his universe,my Siamese bettais quite tickled pinkThe same thing happens when you fill my half-empty world with your love.Bai, keep pourin'!

• Leaping lemmings! Leaping lemmings!I so adore ya'Can't get enoughJust want more’o'ya'!When I've had my fill'o'ya',I long for anotherRefill'o'ya.So, let's cut my spiel And here's the deal:I'm just gonna' haveta' cloneya'!So, when we're doneJust having fun --I'm just gonna' haveta' boneya'Again.

• Wisconsin State Motto Forward.Leading the nation in drunk driving and Cheesehead hats.

• Paranoid Realist Perspective [10w] "I've conquered all my enemies except for the real ones.

• Grease [10w] Relationships between people are rarely frictionless;they all need grease.

• Frank Lloyd Wright {Couplet} Frank Lloyd Wright eliminated the confining wall,so now when your wife screams at youit sounds like you're in Tammany Hall.

• Toasts During the hymeneal repast,The guest stood silent as toasts were cast.The Best Man bore witness to a dozen years pastThe Bridesmaid joked about a relationship that wouldn’t lastThe groom listened and held the hand of the brideKnowing his real toast was buttered on the other side.

• Small Degrees Lobster don't fathom they're being cooked,like relationships being snuffed out in small degreesbut in reverse, as love begins to freeze over, trapping you in a impenetrable ceiling of ice until you drown.

• Opportunity Knocks: China When opportunity knocksthe Chinese make knock-offs.

• What's Hot [10w] + {Couplet} We incorrectly assume what's hotis becoming what we're not.

• Meaning of Life {Couplet} Life's but the love and laughter we've amassed,the friendships forged that shall outlastpossessions, station and renown,the make-up palette of a clown.

• Rules of Etiquette [10w] Rules of etiquette are pretend manners for the lower classes.

• Breaking with Tradition is Tradition You can take the poem outside of tradition,but you can't take tradition out of the poem.

• A Dream Come True [10w] A dream come true is a nightmare in the making.

• Journalist asks me whether I can sit down for an interview... Sorry, I can't talk now. I'm busy writing up a storm.How about tomorrow?Sorry, tomorrow I'm bust conjuring up a tornado.

• Control [10w] Don't lose control by imagining you can control your lover.

• Silly String [10w] Life' an absurdity radiating from a spine of silly string.

• Prayer [10w] Despite God's grace, prayer is not a wish granting well.

• Sometimes Magic is What Disappears [10w] + {Couplet} Love's tragic, not ecstatic;with finespun change, disappears the magic.

• One Philosophical Question, Two Faces [10w] 'Is life wort living?' is tantamount to'Does God exist?

• Got Hate? When a hater cozily whispers shit in your ear about them,what does that say about you?

• Chutzpah {Limerick} Despite your unmitigated audacity,you're effrontery remains one of opacity.Let me suggest you turn Jewand learn chutzpah too,to realize your fullest capacity.

• BMW: The ultimate driving machine... ...just like our gas chambers were the ultimate killing machines.

• The Cure [10w] Laughter, love and faith can cure 95% of all illnesses.

• The Pompous Psychopomp Its your charge to provide me safe passage to the afterlife,to be a midwife to my dying.Any yet, you hover there, judging me,putting on airs, you supercilious whip-poor-will.You're an embarrassment to nightjars everywhere.Now do your fucking job and take me to hell ~which I guess has already begun,judging by your shitty escort service.

• Love's Reward [10w] + {Couplet} Love repaid is love's reward;recompense fair towards being adored.

• Pacifism There's nothing like seeing action in war to turn a soldier into an instant pacifist or an instant killer.

• Hate Recycle Bin When you empty your hate recycle binit frees up more memory to write even better poetry.Just try it and tell me this isn't true!

• Siesta Mud tracked from the rice fields blazon a pathFrom kitchen to cellar escaping noon’s wrath.A quiet siesta to break the ordealOf scything and sifting and spinning the wheel.Half a dream later he returns to the fieldTo seeding earth’s furrows. massaging its yield.And when Sun descends gravely back to her tombHe tracks back to the kitchen, the cellar, his room.

• Clairol 2: Hair color so natural only her hairdresser knows for sure... ...but he's gay and already Tweeted it to 300 people.

• A Chuck Yeager Moment {Couplet} There's a sonic boom resonating in my head as I break through the 2000 HP follower watershed.

• Invisible Attraction What's invisible to the eye is that as you move towards love,love moves towards you.

• Voodoo I'm phobic about pins and needles.Can I just stick a voodoo doll in the microwave?

• Freedom [10w] You've never experienced freedom until you have nothing to lose.

• Vices [10w] Cultivate vices;to be without them is not to be.

• Hermit Crab Should a hermit crab be required to have a real estate license?

• The Refugee I packed my car with cash and valuablesand headed for the border.At the first checkpoint they took my cash.At the second they took my valuables.At the border they took my car and my shoes.I walked barefoot the last 100 feet to freedom,and was greeted with open arms by a person I didn't recognize.In time I discovered that strangerwas the me they could not take from me.

• You Can't Win [10w] Every bitch is a witch;every wife brings you strife.

• Glow in the Dark "You've led me from stark nightwith a love that glows in the dark.

• Self-Sufficiency [10w] When God closes a door,buy a Sawzall from Home Depot.

• Every Small Child is a Miracle [10w] The God of small children is the one true God.

• Rainbows and Gratuitous Violence Whenever I see a rainbow, I want to punch a penguin in the face.

• Inspiration vs. Plagiarism [10w] Inspiration is improving on another's idea;plagiarism is copy/paste piracy.

• Pain vs. Pleasure {Couplet} Pain and pleasure are nearly identical,the difference lies in their temporal perception.Pleasure feels fleeting, pain feels unending;both jolt us at the nerve's first inception.

• Unwitting Measure [10w] + {Couplet} "You I love and treasurein an equal, unwitting measure.

• Excuse The bureaucrat's excuse, 'If I have to make an exception for you,I have to make an exception for everybody else',doesn't apply to me because I exceptional.

• Crying in the Rain If you cry in the raindoes anybody but you know you're unhappy?

• A Poem Must Have an Accomplice If you cannot bamboozle the reader into becoming a willing accomplice to your artifice and collusion the poem won't fly.

• Hanzō Katana Poetry A poem should be forged and folded to perfection like a Hanzō katanaand as gentle as the mist it cuts through.

• Perfection [10w] If you've attained perfection,then what's the point of living?

• Relationships Deconstrcted [10w] Qualities we at first perceive as endearingsoon becomes annoying.

• Pussy Whipped I was pussy whipped with four lashes.It was a helluva threesome ~but I still can't get the damn mascara off my one-eyed snake.

• Cheeky Poets [10w] Remember 'poetry' lies between 'pitiful' and 'poop' in the dictionary.

• Trickeries, Sophistries and Traps [10w] Life's great irony is that we, the trapped,set traps.

• Memory Foam [10w] She had an ass like an elephants memoryfoam pillow.

• To Trend or Not to Trend I've had a thousand trending poems,they were rarely my best.Evoking empathy and shared feelingis the poet's only true test.

• My Brooklyn Childhood [10w] "Motherfucker! I gotta put more goddamn change in the swear-jar.

• Ars Poetica: Write Poetry on a Black Slate Poetry should be written on a black slate of imagination,the poet artfully allowing images to emerge from the dark.

• Thank You Dick Wolf [10w] TV crime shows taught me it’s best to lawyer up.

• Shadows are only Neutral at Noon [10w] + {Couplet} Whose side shadows fall upon,tis' ordained by reigning sun.

• The Fate of Prodigies [10w] Early to peak, early to deal with obsolescence and obscurity.

• Love Haiku Sumerian whoregrabs my wedge, says: 'I love aman in cuneiform.

• River Mountain Ocean [10w] + [10w] + {Couplet} Rivers delight in their flow;Mountains savor their snow.But oceans are in concurrencetheir contentment comes from recurrence.

• Plant vs. Harvest [10w] Any fool can harvest but it takes true skill to plant.

• Twitter Love [10w] ♥ ۵ 웃 유 ღ ♂ ♀ is2g, no b.s.dnt nd 8v3n, wen ive gt uaღღღღღღღღღღღღღღღღღღღღღ

• McDonald's I love and rescue stray dogs, duct tape Burger King crowns to their heads and set them loose in McDonald's.

• Lies vs. Truth [10w] I can only speak truth if I lie to myself.

• Consciousness-Driven Evolution circa 60,000 B.C. Random genetic mutation allowed homo sapiens to compete more successfully for food and mating rights. Just listen to girl chatter posted on the cave walls:"Boy, Uggh is hot. He's sentient!" "Yeah. He doesn't need a club to get my attention.

• please=" "hand=" "me=" "the=" "remote,=" "dear."=" "[10w]=" "The most effective method of birth control is grannie panties.

• Over-Douse [10w] Trying to mask death's smell,old ladies over-douse on perfume.

• Seeing vs. Envision {Couplet} We see nothing more than we bring to it;heavenly orchards lie in an apple's pit!

• Choice vs. Disease [10w] People who label lack of control a disease evade responsibility.

• Self-Motivation [10w] "Today I'll do something more extraordinarythan I did yesterday.

• Comments Being the first to comment on a poem,is like breaking a bottle of champagneagainst the hull of a new ship.

• In the Future [1]: (criminals) In the future we're going to find a wayto turn criminals into wordsand then place them in parentheses.

• Let's Celebrate! Photoshop Turns 25 This Week [10w] I bought a fake passport on Fiverr.Don't tell Mexico.

• Regret vs. Good Times "If I had to regret the good times I spent with every lover who eventually disillusioned me,my love life would be reduced to ten seconds.

• A Frog in my Throat I had me frog in my throat.I swallowed hard and it croaked.Tasted like shit.Next time I get me a frog in my throat,my snooty French boyfriend better wash his dick with soap.

• 2 Rules on Becoming a Good Poet [10w] Rule#1: Never write shitty poetry.Rule#2: Never forget Rule #1.

• Russian, Metafizicheskiy-poshlost This is the humorous metaphysical banality like watching Tolstoy's wife, Sophia, nag her husband about leaving borscht stains on the table linen. The resulting discombobulation totally messed up the ending of Anna Karenina.

• Goose Neck [10w] Whenever a goose has a car accident, the traffic sucks.

• Love vs. the Three Headed Dragon In relationships, the corrosive venom of the three-headed dragon areindifference, fault-finding and 'take-each-other-for-grantedness'.Only these cantarnish the shining armor of amour.

• Valentine's Day 1 [10w] Valentine's Day affirms the promise that love can be sustained.

• Poets and Competitiveness [10w] "I'm the only poet I need to be better than.

• Death is Opening Night Everything's that happened yesterday is a rehearsal for everything that will happen...

• Revenge [10w] Revenge is a long game;all you need is time.

• How to Get Girls into Bed When I take a new girl out on a dateI tell them I slipped poison into their wineand the antidote is on my penis.

• Why Utopias Fail When you tie several horses together and one takes the lead, they all fall.

• The Delinquent Girl Chronicles Ages 7-11: Skip ropeAges 12-16: Skip classAge 17: Skip periodAge 18: Skip coming homeAge 19: Skip town

• Good and Evil To have good and evil the Devil must always remain a step beyond saving.

• Listen to the Wisdom of Shakespeare 'To thine own self be true and fuck'em till they're back and blue.

• Overheard at McDonalds "I am become death, the destroyer of worlds.Are you going to finish those fries?

• Jesus Christ Hiaku Jesus Christget a job already.You're killing your mother!

• Missed Childhood [10w] + {Couplet} Adolescence spent upon a cross,regrettably is childhood's loss.

• Pond(er) This [10w] Nobody wants to be:'Big fish in a little pond.

• Gays & Lesbians Birds of a feather fuck together.

• Jealousy [10w] Jealousy's like being reprimanded for a crime you haven't committed.

• Enigmatic Real Estate I choose to live on the edge of mysterywith its inscrutable view of complexityhedged by perplexity.Also, there's a Walmart nearby.

• Lost & Found of Love We cannot forfeit what was not truly ours to begin with.You can only lose yourself in the heartbreak of love lostand find yourself againinthe miracle of love regained.

• The Albanian Art of Subtle Seduction [10w] "You have an amazing mind now show me your tits.

• Income Tax [10w] A man's income tax return measures his integrity and stupidity.

• The Hand that Feeds You Don't bite the hand that feeds you ~unless you're in a haunted houseand the fucking hand isn't attached to anything.

• Campbell's Soup: M'm! M'm! Good!... ...even though our products have more sodium than the Dead Sea.

• you=" "are=" "what=" "eat"=" "[10w]=" "That's why I've become a pizza with a pussy topping.

• Posthumous {Couplet} The anonymous may claim their fame posthumous;But let my words be my stake, while I'm still awake.

• Brownie Mix [10w] + {Couplet} Betwixt hell and the River Styx,I'll be shitting bricks.

• Money vs. Happiness [10w] Why do people with money say,'money can't buy happiness'?

• Enemies of My Enemies Who knew the enemies of my enemies were good dancers.

• Ruminating Poetry A poem should be eaten in one sittingbut regurgitated often like a ruminant's food.

• Ringtones Haiku 'Oy! Dai, da-ye-nu,Dai, da-ye-nu, Dai, da-ye-nu...'"Answer your fucking phone!

• Casualties of War The casualties of war are far, far morethan those lying dead on the battlefield floor.

• Hemidemisemiquaver [10w] The composer evened the score by ending in a hemidemisemiquaver.

• Sink or Swim [10w] Lovers master the breaststroke, the crawl and the muff dive.

• Hatred is a Simple Child Hatred is a simple child nurtured and coddled in a raging heart and then released into a crowd of innocents wearing a suicide vest.

• Cookie Cutter Criticism A critic tried to fit my sense of humor in a cookie cutter,but it wouldn't fit his preconceived shape of what comedy should be.So he pressed harder, and harder and harder until the cookie cutter cut a cookie shaperight through the palm of his hand.It doesn't hurt anymore when the critic tries to slap me in the face.There's no more hot-air resistance.

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