Bauvard Quotes: 32

• Unrequited love is the only possible way to give yourself to another without being held in indentured servitude.

  Some Inspiration for the Overenthusiastic

• Alphabet: a symbolic system used in algebra, with applications that have yet to be discovered by dyslexics and two thirds of college graduates.

  Some Inspiration for the Overenthusiastic

• Love leads people to become lost in their own feelings and ignore the world, so it’s no surprise their love for the world goes unrequited.

  Some Inspiration for the Overenthusiastic

• If I weren’t too proud, I’d boast of my exaggerated opinion of myself.

  Some Inspiration for the Overenthusiastic

• I admire Shakespeare enormously. But since I can’t be him, I’m glad that his marriage was unhappy and he’s dead.

  Some Inspiration for the Overenthusiastic

• A man wrapped up in himself always suffocates. But his loved ones will forever hold in their hearts the memory of that Christmas.

  Some Inspiration for the Overenthusiastic

• Nothing else matters now that you love me.' - suicide note

  Some Inspiration for the Overenthusiastic

• If you're a nobody, just imagine a lot of celebrities are in love with you. Narcissism is the best cure for attention deficit disorder.

  Some Inspiration for the Overenthusiastic

• The idealist hopes. The romantic sees doom. The postmodernist sees doom and hopes.

  Some Inspiration for the Overenthusiastic

• I had a dream about you. I was sitting on your couch, relating my succession of ideas on subconscious influence. I asked you what they meant, and you told me that free associations were a bad way to advance my political career.

  I Had a Dream About You

• I wanted to have premarital sex with a midget, but I was afraid the ringmaster would banish me for unlawful carnival knowledge.

  Some Inspiration for the Overenthusiastic

• Absence makes the heart grow fonder, until it stops beating. Getting ripped out of the chest tends to have that effect.

  Some Inspiration for the Overenthusiastic

• When you loathe yourself, a true friend will respect your honesty. And if you’ve been fortunate in life, he will probably share your opinion.

  Some Inspiration for the Overenthusiastic

• People are always insinuating that I’m rude. They say things like “Shh,” and “Careful what you say,” and “I think that guy’s listening in on our conversation.

  Some Inspiration for the Overenthusiastic

• The lampshade on my head is for my bright ideas. I won't be able to convey them until Monday, when my curtain gets out of the dry cleaners.

  Some Inspiration for the Overenthusiastic

• I had a dream about you. You were lost in a daydream, when I walked in and you began screaming. But I know that could never actually happen. In real life I only enter people’s nightmares.

  I Had a Dream About You

• Husband: a man with hopes of being a lover who settles for being a provider, causing his wife to grow suspicious of her depleting jewelry box.

  Some Inspiration for the Overenthusiastic

• Love your wife, your servant and your enemy equally, and file her credit card bills under the ‘enemy’ folder.

  Some Inspiration for the Overenthusiastic

• People who practice freedom of expression are terrorizing our grammatical way of life.

  Some Inspiration for the Overenthusiastic

• I don’t know the kind of person I’ll be tomorrow, but I’ll be able to look back on yesterday and ask “What was that guy’s problem?” The future is full of condescending jerks.

  Some Inspiration for the Overenthusiastic

• The problem with our society is that our values aren’t in the right place. There’s an awful lot of bleeding and naked bodies on prime-time networks, but not nearly enough cable television on public programming.

  Some Inspiration for the Overenthusiastic

• A mother’s love: the sacred relationship of affording a nanny so as to be tolerated as a granny.

  Some Inspiration for the Overenthusiastic

• Bachelorhood: all the fun of married life and more prosperity, leaving lots of descendants to boast of their father’s memory to their fellow inmates.

  Some Inspiration for the Overenthusiastic

• Bike lane: the section of the road that accommodates wide loads and has speed bumps to protect drunk drivers.

  Some Inspiration for the Overenthusiastic

• Pure joy is rare. That’s why for every meal I eat a really bloody steak.

  Some Inspiration for the Overenthusiastic

• Night clubs are where Americans learn the laws of motion.

  Some Inspiration for the Overenthusiastic

• I bet there are a lot of women out there who want to sleep with a guy who reads. And being the head of the reading foundation, I’m very well endowed.

  Some Inspiration for the Overenthusiastic

• I hope people of the future will remember my books for being burned, and I challenge an elite few to imagine the embers of the last copy.

  Some Inspiration for the Overenthusiastic

• I had a dream about you. We couldn't decide on a sunrise. You wanted a tan, I only cared about the view. Then World War III fulfilled both our desires.

  I Had a Dream About You

• I had a dream about you. You suggested to split the profits, so I did. I threw one half in the furnace to power the steam engine, and the other half in the air to distract our pursuers.

  I Had a Dream About You

• Education: learning to find your purpose. Upon finding your purpose: what did I learn?

  Some Inspiration for the Overenthusiastic

• I had a dream about you. You were being hung. I had a sword in one hand and a stool in the other. I couldn’t decide which one to use, so I stood on the stool and threw myself on the sword. It was the least I could do to protest capital punishment.

  I Had a Dream About You