Ambrose Bierce Quotes: 27

• Wit - the salt with which the American humorist spoils his intellectual cookery by leaving it out.

• Success is the one unpardonable sin against our fellows.

• Painting, n.: The art of protecting flat surfaces from the weather, and exposing them to the critic.

• Perseverance - a lowly virtue whereby mediocrity achieves an inglorious success.

• Women in love are less ashamed than men. They have less to be ashamed of.

• Logic: The art of thinking and reasoning in strict accordance with the limitations and incapacities of the human misunderstanding.

• Love, n. A temporary insanity curable by marriage.

  The Unabridged Devil's Dictionary

• The covers of this book are too far apart.

• Quotation, n: The act of repeating erroneously the words of another.

  The Unabridged Devil's Dictionary

• Photograph: a picture painted by the sun without instruction in art.

• Religion. A daughter of Hope and Fear, explaining to Ignorance the nature of the Unknowable.

• Sweater, n. Garment worn by child when its mother is feeling chilly.

  The Unabridged Devil's Dictionary

• Selfish, adj. Devoid of consideration for the selfishness of others.

  The Unabridged Devil's Dictionary

• All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.

  The Collected Writings Of Ambrose Bierce

• Pray, v. To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled in behalf of a single petitioner, confessedly unworthy.

  The Unabridged Devil's Dictionary

• Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.

• Scriptures, n. The sacred books of our holy religion, as distinguished from the false and profane writings on which all other faiths are based.

  The Unabridged Devil's Dictionary

• Faith, n. Belief without evidence in what is told by one who speaks without knowledge, of things without parallel.

  The Unabridged Devil's Dictionary

• Redemption, n. Deliverance of sinners from the penalty of their sin through their murder of the deity against whom they sinned. The doctrine of Redemption is the fundamental mystery of our holy religions, and whoso believeth in it shall not perish, but have everlasting life in which to try to understand it.

  The Unabridged Devil's Dictionary

• In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, intelligence is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office.

• Education, n. That which discloses to the wise and disguises from the foolish their lack of understanding.

  The Devil's Dictionary

• Hash, x. There is no definition for this word - nobody knows what hash is.Famous, adj. Conspicuously miserable.Dictionary, n. A malevolent literary device for cramping the growth of a language and making it hard and inelastic. This dictionary, however, is a most useful work.

  The Unabridged Devil's Dictionary

• HOMICIDE, n. The slaying of one human being by another. There arefour kinds of homicide: felonious, excusable, justifiable, andpraiseworthy, but it makes no great difference to the person slainwhether he fell by one kind or another -- the classification is foradvantage of the lawyers.

  The Unabridged Devil's Dictionary

• You don't have to be stupid to be a Christian, ... but it probably helps.

• Mayonnaise: One of the sauces which serve the French in place of a state religion.

• Religion, n. A daughter of Hope and Fear, explaining to Ignorance the nature of the Unknowable.

  The Unabridged Devil's Dictionary

• NIHILIST, n. A Russian who denies the existence of anything but Tolstoi. The leader of the school is Tolstoi.

  The Unabridged Devil's Dictionary