Ellen DeGeneres Quotes: 30

• I would love for the world to be happier.

• Accept who you are. Unless you're a serial killer.

  Seriously... I'm Kidding

• For some reason, we can't just enjoy somebody else's success. Somehow, that's going to affect us. If they have more, then I have less - and I don't know why.

• Most comedy is based on getting a laugh at somebody else's expense. And I find that that's just a form of bullying in a major way. So I want to be an example that you can be funny and be kind, and make people laugh without hurting somebody else's feelings.

• My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and we don't know where the heck she is.

• I ask people why they have deer heads on their walls. They always say because it's such a beautiful animal. There you go. I think my mother is attractive, but I have photographs of her.

• You know, it's hard work to write a book. I can't tell you how many times I really get going on an idea, then my quill breaks. Or I spill ink all over my writing tunic.

  The Funny Thing Is...

• If we're destroying our trees and destroying our environment and hurting animals and hurting one another and all that stuff, there's got to be a very powerful energy to fight that. I think we need more love in the world. We need more kindness, more compassion, more joy, more laughter. I definitely want to contribute to that.

• Procrastinate now, don't put it off.

• While I was doing stand-up, I thought I knew for sure that success meant getting everyone to like me. So I became whoever I thought people wanted me to be. I'd say yes when I wanted to say no, and I even wore a few dresses.

• Beauty is about being comfortable in your own skin. It's about knowing and accepting who you are.

  Seriously... I'm Kidding

• When you take risks you learn that there will be times when you succeed and there will be times when you fail, and both are equally important.

  Seriously... I'm Kidding

• You should never assume. You know what happens when you assume. You make an ass out of you and me because that's how it's spelled.

• My point is, life is about balance. The good and the bad. The highs and the lows. The pina and the colada.

  Seriously... I'm Kidding

• I'm a godmother, that's a great thing to be, a godmother. She calls me god for short, that's cute, I taught her that.

• Life is short. If you doubt me, ask a butterfly. Their average life span is a mere five to fourteen days.

  The Funny Thing Is...

• True beauty is not related to what color your hair is or what color your eyes are. True beauty is about who you are as a human being, your principles, your moral compass.

  Seriously... I'm Kidding

• Stuffed deer heads on walls are bad enough, but it’s worse when you see them wearing dark glasses, having streamers around their necks and a hat on their antlers. Because then you know they were enjoying themselves at a party when they were shot.

• It's failure that gives you the proper perspective on success.

  Seriously... I'm Kidding

• I wonder what will happen if i put a hand cream on my feet, will they get confused and start clapping?

  Seriously... I'm Kidding

• Take a nap in a fireplace and you'll sleep like a log.

• Things will get easier, people's minds will change, and you should be alive to see it.

• One time I actually cleaned out my closet so good I ended up on the cover of Time magazine.

• The thing everyone should realize is that the key to happiness is being happy for yourself and yourself.

  Seriously... I'm Kidding

• I'm a comedian, and I definitely see the humor in a lot of things. I am also sad a lot. I cry often and easily. I think you're supposed to feel all kinds of things.

• Life is about balance. The good and the bad. The highs and the lows. The thing everyone should realize is that the key to happiness is being happy by yourself and for yourself. Happiness comes from within. You have the power to change your own mindset so that all the negative, horrible thoughts that try to invade your psyche are replaced with happy, positive, wonderful thoughts.

  Seriously... I'm Kidding

• Above all things physical, it is more important to be beautiful on the inside - to have a big hear and an open mind and a spectacular spleen.

  Seriously... I'm Kidding

• I hope I make people feel better. I hope I take people out of their situations a little bit and make them happier. That's really why I do what I do.

• I enjoy growing older and wiser and learning from my mistakes every single day.

  Seriously... I'm Kidding

• Find out who you are and be that person. That's what your soul was put on this Earth to be. Find that truth, live that truth and everything else will come.