Authors — Quotes

Douglas Adams Quotes: 74

I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be.
The Long Dark Tea-Time of the Soul
I love deadlines. I love the whooshing noise they make as they go by.
The Salmon of Doubt
The story so far:In the beginning the Universe was created.This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move.
The Restaurant at the End of the Universe
Life is wasted on the living.
I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I don't know the answer
For instance, on the planet Earth, man had always assumed that he was more intelligent than dolphins because he had achieved so much—the wheel, New York, wars and so on—whilst all the dolphins had ever done was muck about in the water having a good time. But conversely, the dolphins had always believed that they were far more intelligent than man—for precisely the same reasons.
The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another theory which states that this has already happened.
The Restaurant at the End of the Universe
The fact that we live at the bottom of a deep gravity well, on the surface of a gas covered planet going around a nuclear fireball 90 million miles away and think this to be normal is obviously some indication of how skewed our perspective tends to be.
The Salmon of Doubt: Hitchhiking the Galaxy One Last Time
The Guide says there is an art to flying", said Ford, "or rather a knack. The knack lies in learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss.
Life, the Universe and Everything
Don't Panic.
The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
A learning experience is one of those things that says, 'You know that thing you just did? Don't do that.
The Salmon of Doubt
Let's think the unthinkable, let's do the undoable. Let us prepare to grapple with the ineffable itself, and see if we may not eff it after all.
Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency
A common mistake that people make when trying to design something completely foolproof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools.
Mostly Harmless
Would it save you a lot of time if I just gave up and went mad now?
The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
Time is an illusion. Lunchtime doubly so.
The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
Isn't it enough to see that a garden is beautiful without having to believe that there are fairies at the bottom of it too?
The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
The ships hung in the sky in much the same way that bricks don't.
The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
Nothing travels faster than the speed of light, with the possible exception of bad news, which obeys its own special laws.
Mostly Harmless
He felt that his whole life was some kind of dream and he sometimes wondered whose it was and whether they were enjoying it.
The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
Space is big. You just won't believe how vastly, hugely, mind-bogglingly big it is. I mean, you may think it's a long way down the road to the chemist's, but that's just peanuts to space.
The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
I'd far rather be happy than right any day.
The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
This must be Thursday,' said Arthur to himself, sinking low over his beer. 'I never could get the hang of Thursdays.
The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
So this is it,"said Arthur, "We are going to die." "Yes,"said Ford, "except... no! Wait a minute!"He suddenly lunged across the chamber at something behind Arthur's line of vision. "What's this switch?"he cried."What? Where?"cried Arthur, twisting round."No, I was only fooling,"said Ford, "we are going to die after all.
The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
This planet has - or rather had - a problem, which was this: most of the people living on it were unhappy for pretty much of the time. Many solutions were suggested for this problem, but most of these were largely concerned with the movement of small green pieces of paper, which was odd because on the whole it wasn't the small green pieces of paper that were unhappy.
The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have on your hands is a non-working cat.
What to do if you find yourself stuck in a crack in the ground underneath a giant boulder you can't move, with no hope of rescue. Consider how lucky you are that life has been good to you so far. Alternatively, if life hasn't been good to you so far, which given your current circumstances seems more likely, consider how lucky you are that it won't be troubling you much longer.
The Original Hitchhiker Radio Scripts
He attacked everything in life with a mix of extraordinary genius and naive incompetence, and it was often difficult to tell which was which.
One of the things Ford Prefect had always found hardest to understand about humans was their habit of continually stating and repeating the very very obvious.
The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
We are stuck with technology when what we really want is just stuff that works.
The Salmon of Doubt
If I ever meet myself,' said Zaphod, 'I'll hit myself so hard I won't know what's hit me.
The Restaurant at the End of the Universe
He hoped and prayed that there wasn't an afterlife. Then he realized there was a contradiction involved here and merely hoped that there wasn't an afterlife.
Life, the Universe and Everything
It can hardly be a coincidence that no language on earth has ever produced the expression, 'As pretty as an airport.
The Long Dark Tea-Time of the Soul
God's Final Message to His Creation:'We apologize for the inconvenience.
So Long, and Thanks for All the Fish
All opinions are not equal. Some are a very great deal more robust, sophisticated and well supported in logic and argument than others.
The Salmon of Doubt
We demand rigidly defined areas of doubt and uncertainty!
The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
There's always a moment when you start to fall out of love, whether it's with a person or an idea or a cause, even if it's one you only narrate to yourself years after the event: a tiny thing, a wrong word, a false note, which means that things can never be quite the same again.
The Salmon of Doubt
Anyone who is capable of getting themselves made President should on no account be allowed to do the job.
The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
First we thought the PC was a calculator. Then we found out how to turn numbers into letters with ASCII — and we thought it was a typewriter. Then we discovered graphics, and we thought it was a television. With the World Wide Web, we've realized it's a brochure.
My doctor says that I have a malformed public-duty gland and a natural deficiency in moral fibre and that I am therefore excused from saving universes.
Life, the Universe and Everything
Just believe everything I tell you, and it will all be very, very simple.'Ah, well, I'm not sure I believe that.
Life, the Universe and Everything
Arthur: If I asked you where the hell we were, would I regret it?Ford: We're safe.Arthur: Oh good.Ford: We're in a small galley cabin in one of the spaceships of the Vogon Constructor Fleet.Arthur: Ah, this is obviously some strange use of the word safe that I wasn't previously aware of.
The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
To summarize the summary of the summary: people are a problem.
The Restaurant at the End of the Universe
I think you ought to know I'm feeling very depressed.
The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
The impossible often has a kind of integrity to it which the merely improbable lacks.
The Long Dark Tea-Time of the Soul
Curiously enough, the only thing that went through the mind of the bowl of petunias as it fell was Oh no, not again. Many people have speculated that if we knew exactly why the bowl of petunias had thought that we would know a lot more about the nature of the Universe than we do now.
The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
The Hitch-Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy also mentions alcohol. It says that the best drink in existence is the Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster, the effect of which is like having your brains smashed out with a slice of lemon wrapped round a large gold brick.
The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
Arthur blinked at the screens and felt he was missing something important. Suddenly he realized what it was."Is there any tea on this spaceship?"he asked.
The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
I think fish is nice, but then I think that rain is wet, so who am I to judge?
Life... is like a grapefruit. Well, it's sort of orangey-yellow and dimpled on the outside, wet and squidgy in the middle. It's got pips inside, too. Oh, and some people have half a one for breakfast.
So Long, and Thanks for All the Fish
Exactly!"said Deep Thought. "So once you do know what the question actually is, you'll know what the answer means.
The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
Ow! My brains!
The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
What's up?"[asked Ford.]I don't know,"said Marvin, "I've never been there.
The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
Can't stand all these poisonous creatures, all these snakes and insects and fish and things. Wretched things, biting everybody. And then people expect me to tell them what to do about it. I'll tell them what to do. Don't get bitten in the first place. (quoting Dr. Struan Sutherland)
My capacity for happiness,"he added, "you could fit into a matchbox without taking out the matches first
The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
I find the whole business of religion profoundly interesting. But it does mystify me that otherwise intelligent people take it seriously.
Ford carried on counting quietly. This is about the most aggressive thing you can do to a computer, the equivalent of going up to a human being and saying "Blood...blood...blood...blood...
The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
I have detected disturbances in the wash.''The wash?''The space-time wash.''Are we talking about some sort of Vogon laundromat, or what are we talking about?''Eddies in the space-time continuum.''Ah...is he. Is he.''What?''Er, who is Eddy, then, exactly?
Life, the Universe and Everything
The first ten million years were the worst,"said Marvin, "and the second ten million years, they were the worst too. The third ten million years I didn't enjoy at all. After that I went into a bit of a decline.
The Restaurant at the End of the Universe
The Ultimate Answer to Life, The Universe and Everything is...42!
The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
Why?' is always the most difficult question to answer. You know where you are when someone asks you 'What's the time?' or 'When was the battle of 1066?' or 'How do these seatbelts work that go tight when you slam the brakes on, Daddy?' The answers are easy and are, respectively, 'Seven-thirty in the evening,' 'Ten-fifteen in the morning,' and 'Don't ask stupid questions.
The Salmon of Doubt
But what about the End of the Universe? We'll miss the big moment."I've seen it. It's rubbish,"said Zaphod,"nothing but a gnab gib."A what?"Opposite of a big bang. Come on, let's get zappy.
The Restaurant at the End of the Universe
Shee, you guys are so unhip it's a wonder your bums don't fall off.
The Ultimate Hitchhiker's Guide: Five Complete Novels and One Story
He stood up straight and looked the world squarely in the fields and hills. To add weight to his words he stuck the rabbit bone in his hair. He spread his arm out wide. "I will go mad!"he annouced.
The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy Omnibus
Lovers of print are simply confusing the plate for the food.
The argument goes something like this: "I refuse to prove that I exist,"says God, "for proof denies faith, and without faith I am nothing.
The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
What does it matter? Science has achieved some wonderful things, of course, but I'd far rather be happy than right any day.
The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
The problem is, or rather one of the problems, for there are many, a sizeable proportion of which are continually clogging up the civil, commercial, and criminal courts in all areas of the Galaxy, and especially, where possible, the more corrupt ones, this.The previous sentence makes sense. That is not the problem.This is:Change.Read it through again and you'll get it.
So Long, and Thanks for All the Fish
The only moral it is possible to draw from this story is that one should never throw the Q letter into a privet bush, but unfortunately there are times when it is unavoidable.
The Restaurant at the End of the Universe
He felt a spasm of excitement because he knew instinctively who it was, or at least knew who it was he wanted it to be, and once you know what it is you want to be true, instinct is a very useful device for enabling you to know that it is.
So Long, and Thanks for All the Fish
So, the world is fine. We don’t have to save the world—the world is big enough to look after itself. What we have to be concerned about, is whether or not the world we live in, will be capable of sustaining us in it. That’s what we need to think about.
I think we have different value systems."—Arthur"Well mine's better."—Ford
Mostly Harmless
Unfortunately this Electric Monk had developed a fault, and had started to believe all kinds of things, more or less at random. It was even beginning to believe things they'd have difficulty believing in Salt Lake City.
Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency
To Trin Tragula's horror, the shock completely annihilated her brain; but to his satisfaction he realized that he had proved conclusively that if life is going to exist in a Universe of this size, then the one thing it cannot afford to have is a sense of proportion.
The Restaurant at the End of the Universe