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Darynda Jones Quotes: 15

  • Never knock on death's door. Ring the doorbell then run. He totally hates that. - T-shirt

    First Grave on the Right

  • I may not look like much, but I'm an expert at pretending to be a ninja.

    First Grave on the Right

  • After a long pause in which he took the time to blink several times, he asked, "You named your breasts?"I turned my back to him with a shrug. "I named my ovaries, too, but they don't get out as much.

    First Grave on the Right

  • I stood and walked around the desk so I could stand over him. Menacingly. Like Darth Vader, only with better lung capacity.

    First Grave on the Right

  • You know you have ADD when Look A chicken - T-shirt

    First Grave on the Right

  • I like to see the glass as half full, hopefully of jack daniels.

    First Grave on the Right

  • My goal in life is to have a psychiatric disorder named after me.

    Fifth Grave Past the Light

  • At first, I could lie about my lack of sleep and she'd fall for it, but she started suspecting insomnia when I began seeing purple elephants in the air vents at the office. I knew I shouldn't have asked her about them. I thought maybe she'd redecorated.

    Third Grave Dead Ahead

  • Insanity does NOT run in my family. It strolls through, takes its time, and gets to know everyone personally. —T-SHIRT

    Fourth Grave Beneath My Feet

  • Want coffee?"I asked, as I headed that way."It's three thirty in the morning." "Okay. Want coffee?

    Third Grave Dead Ahead

  • I do not,"I felt oddly appalled by her statement. "I'm an excellent liar. Ask my dentist. He swears I floss regularly.

    Second Grave on the Left

  • After a long, labored sigh, I said, “She was really happy when I got there. I’m pretty sure she was suicidal when I left.”“You do have that effect on people.

    Third Grave Dead Ahead

  • If it weren’t for physics and law enforcement, I’d be unstoppable.

    Fifth Grave Past the Light

  • Nobody wants to look like a fool. Nine times out of ten, thatreason alone keeps people from allowing themselves to believe.

    First Grave on the Right

  • Paperwork wouldn’t be so bad if it weren’t for all the paper. And the work.

    Fifth Grave Past the Light